Kulimirira Mayendedwe Achikristu M’dziko Lopanda Mayendedwe

“Tawonani! Ndi kwabwino chotani nanga ndi kosangalatsa chotani nanga mmene iko kuliri kuti abale akhale pamodzi m’chigwirizano!”​—SALMO 133:1, “NW.”

 1. Nchiyani chomwe chachitika ku mayendedwe abwino?

“MAYENDEDWE anyonyotsoka m’zaka 25 zapitazi,” akutero wolemba m’danga la nyuzipepala Ann Landers. “Sichiri kokha chifukwa chakuti amuna sakutsegula zitseko za galimoto kaamba ka akazi kapena kuwapatsa iwo malo okhala m’masitima kapena m’mabasi. Icho chimapita kupyola pamenepo.” Ndithudi, kulikonse kumene tingayang’ane, tingawone umboni wakuti tikukhala m’dziko lopanda mayendedwe mowonjezereka. Anthu amalumphira anzawo m’mizere, kusuta m’zikepe zodzazidwa ndi anthu, kuseŵera nyimbo zofuula m’malo aunyinji, ndi zina zotero. Zokumana nazo za tsiku ndi tsiku zimatiwuza ife kuti mosasamala kanthu za mwaŵi wowongoleredwa wa zamaphunziro ndi muyezo wa kakhalidwe, kwakukulukulu wathu uli mbadwo mu umene kunena kuti Zikomo ndi Chonde akhala mawu achilendo, ndipo kulolerana kofala ndi kulemekeza zaiwalika mokulira.

 2. Nchifukwa ninji kusoweka kwa mayendedwe abwino lerolino sikuli kodabwitsa?

² Kodi zonsezi ziri zodabwitsa? Osati kwenikweni. Chimangobweretsa ku maganizo chimene mtumwi Paulo anawuziridwa kunena ponena za mkhalidwe wa anthu mu “masiku otsiriza” pamene ‘nthaŵi zovuta kuchita nazo zidzakhala pano.’ Pakati pa zinthu zina, Paulo ananeneratu kuti anthu akakhala “odzikonda okha, . . . odzitamandira, odzikuza, . . . osayamika, . . . opanda chikondi chachibadwidwe, . . . osakhoza kudziletsa.” (2 Timoteo 3:1-3) Ngakhale kawonedwe wamba kadzavumbula kuti mkhalidwe woterowo uli wofala lerolino pakati pa anthu a msinkhu uliwonse, gulu, ndi mtundu. Nchifukwa ninji ichi chiri tero? Kodi ndi ziti zomwe ziri zopangitsa zothandizira ku kusoweka kwachisawawa kwa mayendedwe abwino?

Zopangitsa za Mayendedwe Oipa

 3. Ndimotani mmene “mpweya” wa dongosolo iri umapititsira patsogolo mayendedwe oipa?

³ Kanenedwe kakuti “odzikonda okha” kamalongosola bwino lomwe “mbadwo wa ine,” chomwe chimalozera kwa awo omwe aleredwa ndi chigogomezero choikidwa pa nkhalwe, kudzipatula pawekha, ndi kudzilongosolera. Mzimu umenewu, womwe ukulamulira “mpweya” wotizungulira, uli wotsutsana mwachindunji ndi uphungu wa Baibulo wakuti Akristu ayenera “kuyang’anitsitsa, osati mokondwera ndi zinthu [zawo] zokha, komanso mokondwera ndi zija za ena.” (Aefeso 2:2, 3; Afilipi 2:4, NW) Chotulukapo? Mbadwo woleredwa ndi lingaliro la ‘chita chinthu chako chokha’ motsimikizirika sudzakhoza kusamala mokulira ponena za mmene mkhalidwe wawo udzayambukirira ena.

 4. Ndimotani mmene amawonedwera lerolino aja omwe amaipsya miyezo yolandirika, ndipo nchiyani chomwe chiyenera kukhala kawonedwe ka M’kristu pa nkhaniyo?

⁴ Chinthu chimodzi chimene papitapo chinachita mbali yokulira m’kusungirira mlingo wa kulemekeza pakati pa anthu chinali kudidikiza kwa amsinkhu wofanana. Kudera nkhaŵa ponena za chimene ena angalingalire kwakhala magwero oletsa kwa nthaŵi yaitali. Lerolino, ngakhale kuli tero, kuchulukira kwa kuzizwitsa ndi kupambanitsa kumene njira ya kachitidwe iri, kudzakhalanso kufalikira kochulukira kumene mwachidziŵikire iko kudzakhala ndi anthu ambiri. Awo omwe amanyalanyaza miyezo yolandirika sakuwonedwanso kukhala amayendedwe oipa kapena osalingalira za ena koma monga amafashoni kapena otchuka m’zakudziko, okhumbiridwa mokulira. Kumbukirani, ngakhale ndi tero, kuti “Kutchuka m’zakudziko” kumatanthauza “kusakhala mu mkhalidwe wachibadwa, woyera, kapena mtundu woyambirira.” Iko kumachokera ku magwero ofananawo a Chigriki onga mawu olongosoledwa “yopekedwa mwamachenjera” pa 2 Petro 1:16. (NW) Motsimikizirika, Akristu owona adzachita bwino kupeŵa mkhalidwe woterowo.

 5. Ndi mbali ina iti yomwe ikuthandizira ku kuzimiririka kwa mayendedwe abwino?

⁵ “Popeza sambwezera choipa chake posachedwa atamtsutsa munthu, ana a anthu atsimikizadi mitima yawo kuchita zoipa,” amatero Mlaliki 8:11. Pano pali chochititsa china chothandizira ku kusoweka kwa mayendedwe aunyinji. Chifukwa chakuti anthu amachipeza icho kukhala chosavuta kwenikweni kuchita zinthu osalangidwa, iwo amakhala owuma mutu ponena za kulakwira miyezo yolandirika ya makhalidwe. “Nzika zomwe zikakhala zoipidwa mwakuya kuzindikiritsidwa mwapoyera kukhala mbali ya gulu laupandu ngakhale ndi tero zakhala zikuswa mosayambekezera mitundu yonse ya malamulo mwapoyera​—malamulo a pa msewu, malamulo a anam’goneka, malamulo osamalira zinyalala,” ikutero nkhani ya mkonzi mu New York Times. Monga chotulukapo, “chipongwe, kusakaza ndi kukwalaula mawu olembedwa pa zikwangwani” zonsezo zakhala mbali yosathaŵika ya zokumana nazo zathu za tsiku ndi tsiku. Chotero, kulemekeza, limodzi ndi ulemu kaamba ka kuyenera kwa anthu ena, katundu, ndi za mseri, kukuvutika ndi kubwerera m’mbuyo kowonjezereka.

 6. Ndimotani mmene mayendedwe a anthu ayambukiridwira ndi miyoyo yawo yotanganitsidwa, ndipo ndimotani mmene Yesu analiri wosiyana m’mbaliyi?

⁶ Popeza kuti mayendedwe abwino akuwonedwa mwachisawawa kukhala pakati pa zofunika koposa m’moyo, iwo amaiwalidwa mopepuka pamene anthu ali ofulumira​—ndipo anthu ambiri amawoneka kukhala ofulumira nthaŵi zambiri masiku ano. Monga chotulukapo, iwo amadutsana wina ndi mnzake popanda liwu lirilonse kapena kusinthanitsana m’zisonyezero. Iwo amaloŵera ndi kukankha m’mizere, kapena kuloŵerera mkati ndi kutuluka mosaleza mtima m’mbali yawo ya msewu kokha kuti asunge mphindi zoŵerengeka kapena timphindi. Kaŵirikaŵiri, anthu amakhala otanganitsidwa kwenikweni ndi zochitachita zawo zaumwini, kapena ndandanda zawo ziri zodzaza ndi zinthu zambiri zochita, kotero kuti chochitika chirichonse chosayembekezereka kapena mlendo amakhala wokwiyitsa kapena woloŵerera. Wunikirirani pa mmene ichi chiriri chosiyana ndi njira imene Yesu anayankhira kwa anthu omwe anadza kwa iye ngakhale pa nthaŵi yosayenera.​—Marko 7:24-30; Luka 9:10, 11; 18:15, 16; Yohane 4:5-26.

 7. Nchiyani chomwe Akristu owona ayenera kukhala ogalamukapo kulinga ku ulemu ndi mayendedwe?

⁷ Ngakhale kuti tikukhala m’dziko la liŵiro lofulumira, ndipo zokhumba pa nthaŵi yathu ndi mphamvu zikukulirakulirabe, kulola zididikizo zoterozo kutipangitsa ife kuchita mwamwano motsimikizirika sikudzapanga zinthu kukomerako. Mosiyanako, njira yoteroyo imatsogolera ku chiwawa chopanda pake chochulukira chomwe timamva​—kukangana, ndewu, chidani, ngakhale kupha​—kotulukapo kuchokera ku kubwezera mwano pa mwano kochitidwa ndi anthu. Zonsezi ziri mbali ya mzimu wa dziko umene Akristu owona safunikira kukhala mbali yake.​—Yohane 17:14; Yakobo 3:14-16.

Zitsanzo Zokulira za Mayendedwe Abwino

 8. Ngakhale kuti azunguliridwa ndi anthu opanda mayendedwe, nchiyani chomwe Akristu akulimbikitsidwa kuchita?

⁸ Ozunguliridwa monga mmene tiriri ndi anthu omwe amasonyeza kudera nkhaŵa kochepera kaamba ka ena, nchosavuta kugonjera ku zididikizo ndi kulola mayendedwe abwino kutithaŵa ife. Ngakhale kuli tero, kukumbukira chenjezo la Baibulo la “kusafanizidwa ndi dongosolo iri la zinthu,” tingayang’ane ku zitsanzo zapadera zambiri m’Baibulo ndi kukalamira kusungirira miyezo yapamwamba ya mayendedwe Achikristu m’dziko lamakono lopanda mayendedwe. (Aroma 12:2, 21, NW; Mateyu 5:16) Zochita zathu ziyenera kusonyeza kuti timavomerezana ndi mtima wonse ndi wamasalmo yemwe analengeza kuti: “Tawonani! Ndi kwabwino chotani nanga ndi kosangalatsa chotani nanga mmene iko kuliri kuti abale akhale pamodzi m’chigwirizano!”​—Salmo 133:1, NW.

 9. Nchiyani chomwe Malemba amavumbula ponena za njira za Yehova zochitira ndi anthu?

⁹ Chitsanzo chopambana m’kusonyeza mayendedwe abwino ali Mlengi ndi Atate wa onse, Yehova Mulungu iyemwini. Chiri chofala kaamba ka awo omwe ali m’malo apamwamba kapena omwe amachita ulamuliro pa ena ‘kutsendereza’ ndi kulamula kuti zikhumbo zawo zilemekezedwe. Komabe, Munthu wapamwamba m’chilengedwe chaponseponse, Yehova Mulungu, ali nthaŵi zonse wamayendedwe pochita ndi awo omwe ali pansi pake. Popatsa bwenzi lake Abrahamu dalitso, iye ananena kuti: “Tukulatu maso ako, [chonde, NW] nuyang’anire kuyambira kumene uliko.” Ndipo kachiŵirinso: “Tayang’anatu kumwamba, [chonde, NW] uŵerenge nyenyezi.” (Genesis 13:14; 15:5) Popatsa Mose chizindikiro cha mphamvu Yake, Mulungu ananena kuti: “Longa dzanja lako [chonde, NW] pa chifuwa pako.” (Eksodo 4:6) Zaka zambiri pambuyo pake, Yehova, kupyolera mwa mneneri wake Mika, ananena ngakhale kwa anthu ake opatuka kuti: “Imvanitu, [chonde, NW] inu akulu a Yakobo, ndi oweruza a nyumba ya Israyeli; . . . Tamvanitu ichi, [chonde, NW] akulu . . . inu.” (Mika 3:1, 9) M’mbaliyi, kodi “takhala akutsanza a Mulungu” m’kunena kuti “Chonde” pochita ndi ena?​—Aefeso 5:1.

10, 11. (a) Nchiyani chomwe chinganenedwe ponena za njira za Yesu ndi mayendedwe? (b) Ndimotani mmene tingatsanzirire Yesu m’kukhala amayendedwe abwino kulinga kwa anthu onse?

¹⁰ Yesu Kristu, yemwe “akukhala pa chifuwa cha Atate,” ali chitsanzo china chapadera chofunika kutsanzira. (Yohane 1:18) M’kuchita ndi anthu, iye anali wachifundo ndi wokonda ku mbali imodzi, wokakamiza ndi wolimba kumbali ina; komabe iye sanali konse wamwano kapena wosakoma mtima kwa aliyense. Kuchitira ndemanga pa “mpatso yake yapadera yokhala pa ubwino ndi mitundu yonse ya anthu,” bukhu lakuti The Man From Nazareth likunena kuti: “Mofanana poyera ndi mwamseri iye anayanjana ndi amuna ndi akazi pa mlingo wofanana. Iye anali womasuka ndi ana aang’ono mu ubwana wawo ndipo mwachilendo mokwanira womasuka kachiŵirinso ndi osweka chikumbumtima osatchuka onga Zakeyo. Akazi osunga nyumba olemekezeka, onga ngati Mariya ndi Marita, anakhoza kulankhula ndi iye ndi kuwona mtima kwachibadwa, koma akazi achigololo nawonso anamfunafuna monga ngati kuti anatsimikiziridwa kuti iye akamvetsetsa ndi kuwapanga iwo kukhala mabwenzi . . . Kusasamala kwake malire kwachilendo komwe kunachinga anthu wamba mkati kuli umodzi wa mikhalidwe yake yopambana koposa.”

¹¹ Kuchita ndi aliyense ndi ulemu woyenera ndi kulingalira kuli chizindikiro cha munthu wamayendedwe abwino mowonadi, ndipo tikachita bwino kutsanzira Yesu Kristu m’chimenechi. Inde, anthu ambiri amakhoza kukhala aulemu kwa ena ake, makamaka aja okhala m’malo apamwamba kuposa iwo. Koma kwa aja omwe amawalingalira kukhala a malo apansi kapena ngakhale okhala pa mlingo wofanana ndi iwo, iwo kaŵirikaŵiri amadzilekanitsa, kutalikirana nawo, ndi kukhala amwano. Mwanjira inayake chimenecho chimawonekera kuwapatsa iwo kudzimva kwa kukwezeka ndi mphamvu. Koma chanenedwa bwino lomwe kuti “mwano uli kutsanzira mphamvu kwa munthu wofooka.” Chotero, Baibulo likulimbikitsa kuti: “M’kusonyeza ulemu kwa wina ndi mnzake tsogolerani.” (Aroma 12:10, NW) Ngati tichita ubwino wathu kutsatira chilangizo chimenecho, sitidzakhala patali ndi kukhala wamayendedwe abwino kulinga kwa anthu onse, monga mmene Yesu analiri.

12. Nchiyani chomwe chiri nsonga ya kuphunzitsa kwa Yesu pa unansi waumunthu?

¹² Mkhalidwe wabwino, wofika patali umenewu wachitiridwanso chitsanzo m’ziphunzitso za Yesu, makamaka m’chimene chatchedwa Lamulo Lalikulu: “Zinthu ziri zonse mukafuna kuti anthu achitire inu, inunso muwachitire iwo zotero.” (Mateyu 7:12) Mosangalatsa, mu Analects, limodzi la Four Books a Confucius​—yolingaliridwa kwa nthaŵi yaitali kukhala nsonga yokulira ya makhalidwe abwino Kum’mawa​—mbuyeyo anafunsidwa ndi mmodzi wa ophunzira ake ngati panali liwu limodzi lirilonse lomwe likatumikira monga prinsipulo la makhalidwe amoyo. “Mwinamwake liwu lakuti ‘kuchita mofananamo’ (shu) lidzakhoza,” anayankha tero mphunzitsiyo, ndipo kenaka iye anawonjezera kuti: “Musachite pa ena chomwe simufuna ena kuchita pa inu.” M’kusiyanitsa, tingakhoze kuwona mosavuta ukulu wa kuphunzitsa kwa Yesu. Popeza kuti unansi wotentha, wosangalatsa, ndi waubwenzi ungatulukepo kokha ngati wina adzayamba ‘kuchita kwa ena’ chomwe chiri chabwino.

Mayendedwe Achikristu Ozikidwa pa Chikondi Chachikristu

13, 14. (a) Nchiyani chomwe posachedwapa chawonedwa ponena za mayendedwe a unyinji? (b) Nchiyani chomwe chimasonkhezera chikondwerero cha lerolino m’mayendedwe ndi malamulo a makhalidwe abwino (etiquette)?

¹³ Chifukwa cha kufalikira kwa mayendedwe oipa, pali kukambapo lerolino ponena za kubwerera ku mkhalidwe wabwino. “Tinali ndi kupanduka kotsutsana ndi mayendedwe m’ma 60,” akutero Marjabelle Stewart, wolemba wotchuka ndi mphunzitsi pa nkhaniyo, “koma kasinthidwe katsopano ka kubwezeretsa iwo. Anthu akuvomereza kufunika kwawo ndipo akufuna kudziŵa chimene miyezo ya mayanjano iri.” Chikondwerero chokhalitsidwa chatsopano chimenechi m’mayendedwe chikuwunikiridwa m’kufala kwa mabukhu, mapepala, madanga opereka chilangizo, ndipo nkhani ya pa TV imasonyeza pa chirichonse kuchokera pa foloko yofunikira kugwiritsira ntchito pa chakudya chamasana cha nthaŵi zonse mpaka ku mmene tingalankhulire ndi winawake m’maunansi amayanjano ndi abanja amakono ocholoŵanacholoŵana ndi osintha mofulumira.

¹⁴ Nchifukwa ninji, ngakhale ndi tero, anthu ena akukhala odera nkhaŵa mowonjezereka ponena za mayendedwe? “M’chitaganya chopikisana chamakono,” akulongosola tero Stewart, “mayendedwe ali nkhani ya chipulumuko.” M’mawu ena, mayendedwe abwino akuwonedwa kukhala njira yothandiza winawake kukhalabe ndi moyo ndi kupitirizabe. Chotero anthu amaŵerenga mabukhu ndi kupezeka ku makalasi a malamulo a makhalidwe abwino (etiquette) kukaphunzira mmene angavalire kaamba ka chipambano, mmene angapangire kawonedwe kabwino, mmene angalandiridwir m’chipinda chosonkhaniramo bungwe, ndi zina zotero.a Vuto la zonsezi liri lakuti mayendedwe akhala nkhani ya chinyengo, mofanana ndi chinyawu chomwe wina amavala mkati mwa kuvina ndi kuchichotsa pamene kwatha. Sichiri chodabwitsa, chotero, kuti nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi timamva ponena za maupandu ozizwitsa owonjezereka m’maofesi ochitidwa ndi anthu a ‘gawo’ ndi ‘gulu’ labwino koposa.

15, 16. (a) Nchiyani chomwe waulamuliro wina pa mayendedwe ananena ponena za “malamulo abwino koposa kaamba ka mkhalidwe”? (b) Ndimotani mmene 1 Akorinto 13:4-7 amagwirizanira ku mayendedwe owona Achikristu?

¹⁵ Chimenecho chiri kulira konka patali kuchokera ku chimene mayendedwe abwino ayenera kukhala. Amy Vanderbilt, waulamuliro wolemekezedwa pa nkhaniyo, akulemba mu New Complete Book of Etiquette yake kuti: “Malamulo abwino koposa kaamba ka mkhalidwe akupezedwa mu Mutu 13 wa Akorinto Woyamba, kakhazikitsidwe kokongola pa chifundo chochitidwa ndi St. Paul. Malamulo amenewa alibe chochita ndi nsonga zabwino za kuvala osatinso ndi zija za mayendedwe akunja. Iwo amachita ndi malingaliro ndi makhalidwe, kukoma mtima, ndi kulingalira ena.”

¹⁶ Chimene Amy Vanderbilt akulozerako, ndithudi, iri ndime ya pa 1 Akorinto 13:4-7 pamene Paulo akulongosola mwatsatanetsatane mbali zosiyanasiyana za chikondi Chachikristu. Lingalirani zotulukapo za nsonga zoŵerengeka zomwe iye anapanga. Mwachitsanzo, yemwe ali “wopirira ndi wachifundo” motsimikizirika adzakhala woleza mtima ndi waulemu m’kuchita ndi ena. “Sichichita mosayenera” iri njira ina ya kunena kuti ‘chimachita moyenera,’ ndipo “kuyenera” kukumasuliridwa kukhala “kumamatira ku miyezo yabwino, kulongosoka, kapena mtundu wabwino.” Chotero, monga mmene New Testament in Modern English ya J. B. Phillips ikulongosolera mawu amenewo kuti, “Chikondi chiri ndi mayendedwe abwino.” Chiri chovuta kulingalira aliyense wosonyeza chikondi choterocho kulingaliridwa kukhala wamayendedwe oipa.

17. Kodi mayendedwe anthu ali chisonyezero cha chiyani?

¹⁷ Momvekera, kenaka, mayendedwe Achikristu ali ogwirizanitsidwa mwachindunji ku chikondi Chachikristu. Sali kokha njira yonkira kumapeto kapena chinachake chovalidwa pamene chiri ku ubwino wa wina kuchita tero. M’malomwake, mayendedwe athu​—njira mu imene timachitira ndi ena, kudziŵika kwathu, kachitidwe, ndi mkhalidwe wachizoloŵezi​—ziri chisonyezero cha kuchuluka kumene timasamalira ponena za anthu ena ndi kuzama kwa chikondi chanthu kaamba ka iwo. Achichepere kapena achikulire, tiyenera kukalamira kulabadira uphungu wa Baibulo wakuti: “Munthu asafune zake za iye yekha, koma za mnzake.” (1 Akorinto 10:24) Chotero, monga mbali ya chikondi Chachikristu, mayendedwe Achikristu ali chizindikiro chozindikiritsa cha ophunzira owona a Yesu Kristu.​—Yohane 13:35.

A Mayendedwe Abwino Nthaŵi Zonse

18. Nchiyani chomwe tiyenera kukhala ogamulapo kuchita mosasamala kanthu za zomwe tikuwona motizungulira?

¹⁸ Ponena za mbadwo wathu, Yesu ananeneratu kuti “chifukwa cha kuchuluka kwa kusayeruzika, chikondano cha anthu aunyinji chidzazilala.” (Mateyu 24:12) Kuzilala kwa chikondi kumeneku kukuwunikiridwa mowonekera mu mkhalidwe wosasamala ndi kudzitamandira ku mbali ya anthu ambiri lerolino. M’malo mwa kusonkhezeredwa kuyankha m’mayendedwe ofananawo osasamala, ngakhale kuli tero, tifunikira kusunga m’maganizo uphungu wa Paulo wakuti: “Musabwezere munthu aliyense choipa chosinthana ndi choipa. Ganiziranitu zinthu zaulemu pamaso pa anthu onse. Ngati nkutheka, monga momwe mukhoza, khalani ndi mtendere ndi anthu onse.” (Aroma 12:17, 18) Chiyenera kukhala chigamulo chathu kukhala a mayendedwe abwino nthaŵi zonse, kaya zoyesayesa zathu zikuyamikiridwa kapena ayi.​—Mateyu 5:43-47.

19. Ndimotani mmene mayendedwe anthu amayambukirira mbali zonse za moyo?

¹⁹ Inde, mayendedwe Achikristu ali kasonyezedwe kachibadwa kakunja ka chikondi ndi kudera nkhaŵa kaamba ka ena zomwe tiri nazo mu mtima mwathu. Monga mmene kalankhulidwe kathu kamavumbula chimene chiri mkati, choteronso mayendedwe anthu amasonyeza kuchulukira kumene timasalamira kaamba ka ena kapena ngati ife tiri osasamala. (Mateyu 12:34, 35) Monga tero, mayendedwe ayenera kuchita mbali yaikulu m’mbali zonse za moyo wathu. Iwo ayenera kukhala njira ya moyo. Ndimotani mmene ayenera kugwiritsidwira ntchito mokwanira? Ndimotani mmene mayendedwe abwino Achikristu angakulitsidwire mokwanira? Tidzalingalira chimenechi m’nkhani yotsatira.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

Kodi Mungalongosole?

◻ Nchifukwa ninji sichiri chodabwitsa kuti mayendedwe abwino akunyonyotsoka?

◻ Kodi ndi ziti zomwe ziri zochititsa zina za mayendedwe oipa?

◻ Ndimotani mmene mayendedwe Achikristu aliri osiyana ndi mayendedwe ndi malamulo a makhalidwe abwino a dziko?

◻ Nchifukwa ninji tiyenera kukalamira kukhala a mayendedwe abwino nthaŵi zonse?