Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Ngaba Ndikhula Ngendlela Eqhelekileyo?

“Ndandingomnye wabona bantwana bancinane kubantwana endandifunda nabo—yaye ndandingoyena wayenobunzima obuncinane kakhulu kubo bonke. Ndandingazithandi iingalo zam. Ndandicinga ukuba zazinqine gqitha. Ndade ndaodola izinto zokwenza umthambo ezazibhengezwe kwiphepha elingemva lencwadi yezinto ezihlekisayo [comic]. Nako oko akuzange kundenzele nto.”—Eric.

“Andimdanga ngokwaneleyo. Ndineminyaka eli-13 ubudala yaye ndinobude nje [obuziimitha ezisisi-1,5] kuphela. Bonke abantwana endifunda nabo bade! Ewe, akhona amakhwenkwe athile amafutshane, kodwa mhlawumbi ehlotyeni aza kukhula. Andikuthandi konke konke ukuba mfutshane! Akukho nto ndinokuyibona! Nokuba ndingamde khona ngoku ndithethayo.”—Kerri.

UKUBA mde ngokugqithisileyo! Ukuba mfutshane ngokugqithisileyo! Ukutyeba ngokugqithisileyo! Ukubhitya ngokugqithisileyo! Ezi asizozinto nje ogculelwa ngazo ngabahlobo abakhohlakeleyo. Ngamaxesha onke ulutsha oluninzi luzihlaba amadlala ngolu hlobo xa luzijonga esipilini. Ibhinqa elinesiqu esincinane laseSpeyin eligama linguMari likhumbula oku, “Xa ndandineminyaka eli-13 ubudala, ndandiyithiye ngokwenene impumlo yam; yayinkulu kangangokuba ndandicinga ukuba ndandifanelwe kukuya kwenza utyando! Ibe ndandiyinkwetshelele into ekumila kunjengebhotile! Udade wethu omdala weyenelokhwe eyayide ibe ngathi yenzelwe kweso siqu sakhe sihle. Xa ndandizama ukuyinxiba, ndandisuka ndibe lilifa lentsini.”

Xa ‘usentlahleni’ ngokukodwa ngelo thuba linzima lenguqulelo ekhawulezayo yomzimba neyemvakalelo ebizwa ngokuba kukufikisa ebuntwini obukhulu, kulula ukusuka nje uzicaphukele. (1 Korinte 7:36) Ngendlela obona ngayo, oontanga bakho bakhula babe ngabantu abakhulu abade, abanomtsalane. Kodwa kusenokubonakala ngathi umi ndawen’ inye—okanye ukhula ngokugqithisileyo. Olunye uhlolisiso lwatyhila ukuba inani elimangalisayo labeshumi elivisayo nelikumlinganiselo wama-56 ekhulwini alwanelisekanga yimizimba yalo. Umphengululi uJane Norman noMyron W. Harris bathi uninzi lolo lutsha lwalunganelisekanga lwaluvakalelwa kukuba “lwalulufutshane ngokugqithisileyo” okanye “lwalunqaphele.”

Kwakhona ulutsha oluninzi lukuxhalabele ukukhula kwamalungu omzimba walo afihlakeleyo; aluqinisekanga enoba luphile qete kusini na. Incwadi ethi Growing Into Love, ebhalwe nguKathryn Watterson Burkhart ithi, “iimvakalelo zokuzixabisa zolutsha, ukufaneleka nokuba nesidima ngokobuqu zixhomekeke emizimbeni yalo, ngoko kubaluleke gqitha ukuba imizimba yalo ikhule ngendlela efanelekileyo.” Ngoko akumangalisi ukuba, ngokufuthi ulutsha luzixhalabele kwiindawo (ezifana nakwizifundo zokwenza umthambo) apho imizimba yalo ichanabeka ekubeni iqwalaselwe—okanye ithelekiswe neyabanye. Enye inkwenkwana yavuma, “ndiziva ndingonwabanga xa kufuneka ndihlambe umzimba namanye amakhwenkwe esikolweni.”

Ngaba awaneliseki yindlela okhula ngayo umzimba wakho? Ngoko, mus’ ukuzikhathaza! Kunokwenzeka ukuba uphile qete.

Iintlungu Zokukhula

Ukufikisa ebuntwini obukhulu yinkqubo yokwemvelo nesempilweni. KwanoYesu Kristu watyhubela kuko, “ehambela phambili ebulumkweni nasebukhulwini.” (Luka 2:52) Ukufikisa ebuntwini obukhulu kubandakanya ukukhula ngokupheleleyo kwamalungu akho okuvelisa inzala.a Noko ke, kwakhona kubandakanya ithuba lokukhula okukhawulezayo elifika ngequbuliso, ngokufuthi eliwuphinda kabini umlinganiselo womkhamo akhula ngawo ubani ngonyaka. Umfana ogama linguDanny ukhumbula oku, “Ndaqalisa ukukhula ngomlinganiselo [weesentimitha ezilishumi] ngonyaka. Xa ndandineminyaka eli-13 ubudala [ndandiziimitha ezisisi-1,8] ubude.”

Noko ke, ngokuqhelekileyo, amantombazana aqalisa ukukhula okukhawulezayo iminyaka emibini ngaphambi kwamakhwenkwe. Ngoko kwiminyaka eli-12 ubudala, intombazana isenokukhula ibe nde kunamakhwenkwe efunda nawo. Ngokunokwenzeka iya kubuvuyela obu bude ixeshana nje elifutshane. Kwiminyaka embalwa elandelayo, kunokwenzeka ukuba inkoliso yamakhwenkwe iya kumfumana ide imodlule ngobude.

Sekunjalo, ukukhula ngokukhawuleza kuneengxaki zako. Ngokuqhelekileyo, amalungu aqala abe makhulu ziinyawo zakho. Ngoko, okwethutyana, iinyawo zakho zinokuwugqitha ngokupheleleyo umlinganiselo womzimba wakho. Umbhali uLynda Madaras ucaphula amazwi enye intombazana eselula isithi: “Xa ndandineminyaka elishumi elinanye ubudala ndandingaphezulwana kancinane [kwiimitha ezisisi-1,5] ubude kodwa ndandinxiba isihlangu esingu-8. Ngokucinga kwam, ndandisithi, Kowu, ukuba iinyawo zam zisaqhubeka zikhula, inene ziza kuba ngamagidiva! Kodwa ngoku ndineminyaka elishumi elinesithandathu ubudala, yaye [ndiziimitha ezisisi-1,7] ubude, kodwa ndisanxiba u-8.” Kamsinya kulandela ukukhula ngokukhawuleza kwemilenze, amathanga nesiqu sakho.

Okunxunguphalisa ngakumbi isenokuba yinguqulelo yesiqu sakho oyibona esipilini. Umbhali uLynda Madaras kwincwadi ethi The What’s Happening to My Body? Book for Girls uthi: “Njengoko ukwixesha lokufikisa, ubuso bakho buyaguquka. Isilevu sakho siba side buze ubuso bube bukhulu.” Oku kunjalo emantombazaneni nasemakhwenkweni. Kusenokuthabath’ ithuba ngaphambi kokuba ubuso bakho bubonakale bulingana ngendlela efanelekileyo.

Ngenxa yokuba amalungu ahlukeneyo omzimba wakho akhula ngemilinganiselo eyahlukeneyo, kwakhona iingalo nemilenze yakho isenokubonakala imide ngendlela ebangel’ iintloni. UChristine, kamva owaba ngumntu okhulileyo nonomtsalane ukhumbula oku, “Iingalo zam zazibonakala zinde ngendlela eyimpoxo.” Ngokufuthi esi sihlandlo sokungalungelelani nesokuziva uphoxekile sisenokubakho ngaphambi kokuba ekugqibeleni umzimba wakho ubonakale ‘uhlangana kakuhle, ubandakanywa ngako konke ukuxhomekelelana kwamalungu.’—Efese 4:16.

Abo Bakhula Kade

Noko ke, ukufikisa kusenokuba yinto emangalisayo. Maxa wambi umntu oneminyaka eli-12 ubudala usenokubonakala elingana noneminyaka engama-20 ubudala. Kodwa kolunye ulutsha, iincindi zamadlala zibonakala zingasebenzi kamsinya. Omnye oselula, ogama linguWillie, ukhala ngelithi: “Ndingomnye wabona bantwana bafutshane kubantwana endifunda nabo, yaye ndiyayazi indlela ovakalelwa ngayo xa uqhulwa.” Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba kufuneka ucondobe ukuze ubajonge emehlweni abahlobo bakho, musa ukukhathazeka. Ngokuqhelekileyo, oko kuthetha ukuba umzimba wakho ukhula kancinane kakhulu kunowabo ufunda nabo.b

Kuyavunywa ukuba, ukuba mfutshane okanye ukukhangeleka umncinane kunabahlobo bakho akuvuyisi. UAllison oneminyaka eli-16 ubudala ukhalaza ngelithi: “Ndiyazi ukuba ndikhangeleka okomntwana omncinane, ibe ndikuthiyile oko!” Ngaba unokuyikhawulezisa inkqubo yokukhula? Unotshe, kodwa usenokuyenza ibe lula. KuYobhi 8:11, iBhayibhile ithi: “Iyakhula na imikhanzi, kungekho mgxobhozo? Iyahluma na ingcobo, kungekho manzi?” Kanye njengokuba isityalo sikhula kwimeko-bume entle nangenxa yokondliwa ngokufanelekileyo, ngokunjalo nawe kufuneka uphumle ngokwaneleyo uze ufumane ukutya okusempilweni. Ukusoloko usitya ukutya okungenasondlo kuya kwenza umzimba wakho ungabi nasondlo sifunekayo ukuze ukhule ngendlela efanelekileyo.

Ngaphandle kwengqondo yokunyamekela impilo, akukho nto ingako unokuyenza ngokukhula kwakho ngokomzimba. Kodwa ekuhambeni kwexesha ithuba lakho lokukhula liya kuqalisa. Enyanisweni, usenokuqhubeka ukhula nasemva kokuba oontanga bakho sele befikelele kubude babo obupheleleyo. Umfana onguJohn ukhumbula oku, “Xa ndandikwibanga lesithandathu, ndandingowesibini koyena mntwana wayemfutshane kubantwana endandifunda nabo, kodwa ebudeni behlobo, ndakhula ngephanyazo. Xa ndandiqalisa ibanga lesixhenxe, ndandiphantse ndibe yeyona nkwenkwe isukileyo egadeni kubantwana endandifunda nabo.” Sikhunjuzwa ngomzekeliso wamandulo othi: “Ukulindela okubanjezelweyo kubulala intliziyo; ungumthi wobomi umnqweno ofezekileyo.”—IMizekeliso 13:12.

Kakade ke, akukho siqinisekiso sokuba uya kuze ube mde ulingane nomdlali webhola yomnyazi waseMerika. Ukuba unabazali abafutshane, kunokwenzeka ngakumbi ukuba nawe uya kuba mfutshane. Noko ke, ukuba mfutshane kunabahlobo bakho kusenokukwenzela iingxaki.

Indlela Onokuhlangabezana Ngayo Nazo

Ngoxa uThixo engagwebi mntu ngokwesithomo sakhe, ngokufuthi abantu abanengqondo emfutshane bayakwenza oko. Uhlolisiso lubonisa ukuba ulutsha lutyekele ekubeni lubajonge abo bakhula kade njengabangenamtsalane nabangafanelekiyo kunolutsha olukhule ngokuphelele ngakumbi ngembonakalo. Lusenokude lubacezele abahlobo balo bangaphambili ababonakala bengasafanelani nalo kuba bekhangeleka beselula. Oku kusenokukuchaphazela kakhulu ukuzixabisa kwakho. Kolunye uhlolisiso kwaboniswa ukuba kangangethuba elide ulutsha oluba sentlahleni kade lubafumene ngokomzimba abo lufunda nabo, iimvakalelo zokungafanelani zisenokuhlala zikho.

Unokuhlangabezana njani nemeko enjalo? Lumbi ulutsha oluba sentlahleni kade ludla ngokuthula luze lube ngoonkom’ edla yodwa. Sekunjalo, olunye—ngokukodwa amakhwenkwe—luzigwagwisa ngendlela ecaphukisayo okanye luzenze amagorha kwintlaselo engalawulekiyo lufuna kunikelw’ ingqalelo kulo. Kodwa akukho nalinye ikhondo eliya kukubangela uphumelele ekufumaneni abahlobo bokwenyaniso. Ethubeni, abantu baya kukuthanda ngenxa yohlobo lomntu onguye, kungekhona ngenxa yendlela okhangeleka ngayo. Ukuba ubonisa umdla wokwenene kwabanye uze uhlakulele ukuba nobubele nesisa, inkoliso yabantu iya kukuthanda. (IMizekeliso 11:25; Filipi 2:4) Ukuba bambi bayaqhubeka bekuqhula okanye bekutyeshela, zama ukuyixubusha nabazali bakho le ngxaki. Basenokukunika amacebiso aluncedo.

Kwakhona khumbula ukuba uThixo “ukhangela intliziyo.” (1 Samuweli 16:7) IBhayibhile ithi uKumkani uSawule wayengomnye wawona madoda asukileyo egadeni naziinzwana kwaSirayeli. Kodwa izinto azizange zimhambele kakuhle njengokumkani nanjengomntu. (1 Samuweli 9:2) Kwelinye icala, indoda egama linguZakeyu ‘yayimfutshane.’ Sekunjalo yasikelelwa ngelungelo lokwamkela njengondwendwe uNyana kaThixo. (Luka 19:2-5) Ngoko ke okubalulekileyo ngokwenene koko umntu akuko ngaphakathi. Yaye ukuba umzimba wakho awukhuli ngokukhawuleza ngendlela obusengathanda ngayo, unokuthuthuzeleka kukwazi ukuba oku kusenokuba yinto eqhelekileyo. “Into yonke inexesha layo,” yaye ekugqibeleni umzimba wakho uya kusabela uze uqalise ukufikisa. (INtshumayeli 3:1) Okumangalisayo kukuba, ulutsha oluninzi lukhalazela ukuba imizimba yalo ikhula ngokukhawuleza. Imeko yalo iza kuxutyushwa kwinqaku elilandelayo kolu ngcelele.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 18]

Ngokuqhelekileyo amantombazana aqalisa ukukhula iminyaka emibini ngaphambi kwamakhwenkwe. Noko ke, inkoliso yamakhwenkwe iyakhawuleza ukuwafumana amantombazana ize iwodlule ngobude