Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Kuthekani Ukuba Abazali Bam Bathi Ndiselula Kakhulu Ukuba Ndingenza Amadinga?

“Wena Mama usabetha ngondalashe. Yadlula kudala iminyaka yee-1950. Wonke umntu wenza amadinga! Andiselothunjana lakho mna.”—UJanie oneminyaka eli-16 ubudala.a

KUBUHLUNGU ukuxelelwa ukuba akukakulungeli ukwenza amadinga. Omnye oselula uthi: “Ndifuna ukuthobela iBhayibhile ngokubeka utata nomama, kodwa andiqondi ukuba banyanisile kulo mbandela. Andikwazi kukuxubusha nabo oku.” Njengalo mfana, usenokuvakalelwa kukuba abazali bakho abakucingeli yaye abanaluvelwano. Kusenokwenzeka ubone umntu omthanda ngokwenene nofuna ukumazi kakuhle. Okanye mhlawumbi uvakalelwa kukuba xa usenza amadinga uya kuthandwa ngakumbi ngoontanga bakho. UMichelle uthi: “Kukho ingcinezelo. Ukuba akwenzi madinga, abantwana besikolo bacinga ukuba uphambene.”

Omnye umcebisi wentsapho wathi ngokwenza amadinga: “Phantse lo ngowona mbandela abazali abagqalwa njengabangaqiqiyo kuwo.” Kodwa ukubonakala kwabazali bengabangaqiqiyo akuthethi ukuba kunjalo ngokwenene? Ngapha koko, uThixo unike abazali bakho imbopheleleko yokukufundisa, ukukuqeqesha, ukukukhusela nokukukhokela. (Duteronomi 6:6, 7) Ngaba akunakwenzeka ukuba abazali bakho banenkxalabo esengqiqweni ngempilo-ntle yakho? Omnye umzali uthi: “Ndinukelwa yingozi, yaye ndiyoyika.” Kutheni ukwenza amadinga ngaphambi kwexesha kubaxhalabisa abazali abaninzi?

Iimvakalelo Eziyingozi

UBeth oneminyaka eli-14 ubudala ukhalaza esithi: “Abazali bam benza kube ngathi kukho into ephosakeleyo ngokuthanda umntu.” Noko ke, ukuba abazali bakho bangamaKristu, bazi kakuhle ukuba uThixo wenza ukuba umntu atsaleleke kowesini esahlukileyo. (Genesis 2:18-23) Bayazi ukuba lo mtsalane uyinto yokwemvelo, yaye uvisisana nenjongo yoMdali yokuba uluntu ‘luzalise umhlaba.’—Genesis 1:28.

Ukongezelela, abazali bakho bayawuqonda indlela umnqweno wesini oba namandla ngayo xa ‘usentlahleni yobutsha.’ (1 Korinte 7:36) Kwakhona bayazi ukuba akunamava okulawula lo mnqweno. Ukuba uqalisa ukuchitha ixesha elininzi nomntu wesini esahlukileyo, uthetha naye emnxebeni, okanye ubhalelana naye okanye nge-E-mail, usenokutsaleleka ngakumbi kuye. Usenokubuza, ‘Yintoni embi kuloo nto?’ Uya kukwazi njani ukuwunqanda lo mnqweno? Ngaba uya kukwazi ukuziqhuba ezo mvakalelo de zifikelele kwisiphelo esifanelekileyo—umtshato? Kusenokungabi njalo.

Ukwenza amadinga ngaphambi kwexesha kusenokubangela iingozi ezinkulu. IBhayibhile ilumkisa ngelithi: “Ngaba umntu unokuwufumba na umlilo esifubeni sakhe zize izambatho zakhe zingatshi?” (IMizekeliso 6:27) Amaxesha amaninzi, ukwenza amadinga ngaphambi kwexesha kudla ngokukhokelela kwiintlobano zesini ngaphambi komtshato, nto leyo echanaba ulutsha ekukhulelweni lungatshatanga nakwizifo ezidluliselwa ngeentlobano zesini. (1 Tesalonika 4:4-6) Ngokomzekelo, uTammy oselula wayecinga ukuba abazali bakhe bamdlel’ indlala xa besithi makangenzi madinga. Ngoko waqalisa ukwenza amadinga ngokufihlakeleyo esikolweni. Noko ke, kungekudala, uTammy wakhulelwa—yaye ubomi bakhe batshintsha. Ngoku uthi xa ezityand’ igila: “Ukwenza amadinga akumnandi njengoko kuchazwa.”

Kodwa kuthekani ukuba esi sibini siselula siyakuphepha ukunxibelelana ngendlela engafanelekanga? Sekunjalo, kuyingozi ukuvuselela iimvakalelo zothando ngaphambi kwexesha. (INgoma yazo iiNgoma 2:7) Ukuvuselela umnqweno onokuzaliswa ngokusemthethweni emva kweminyaka emininzi kwikamva kunokubangela unxunguphalo nentlungu.

Nazi ezinye iingongoma ofanele ucingisise ngazo: Ngaba unamava ngokwaneleyo ebomini okwazi oko ufanele ukujonge kwiqabane lomtshato? (IMizekeliso 1:4) Kwelinye icala, ngaba unazo iimpawu nobuchule obufunekayo ukuze ube yindoda okanye umfazi oya kuthandwa ngokwenene aze ahlonelwe? Ngaba ngokwenene unawo umonde nozimiselo olufunekayo ukuze ulondoloze ulwalamano oluhlala luhleli? Akumangalisi ukuba, intlungu kukuba ukuthandana kwabantu abakwishumi elivisayo kuthabatha ixesha elifutshane. Zimbalwa iimeko apho luphelela kwimitshato ehlala ihleli.

UMonica oneminyaka eli-18 ubudala uyishwankathela kakuhle le nto xa esithi: “Bonke abahlobo bam esikolweni badla ngokundibalisela ngamakhwenkwe abathandana nawo. Kodwa batshata beselula okanye bahlukane kakubi kuba bebengekakulungeli ukutshata.” Nomnye oselula ogama linguBrandon uthi: “Xa ufumanisa ukuba akukakulungeli ukuzibophelela nomnye umntu kodwa uvakalelwa kukuba sele uzibophelele kuba wenza amadinga, loo nto iba buhlungu ngokwenene. Ungalubuyisa njani unyawo ngaphandle kokuba kubekho umntu oza kuba buhlungu?”

Ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo abazali bakho bazama ukukuhlangula kwintlungu nonxunguphalo ngokungakuvumeli ukuba wenze amadinga de ube umdala ngokwaneleyo ukuba ungazibophelela ngomtshato. Ngokwenene, benza ngokuvisisana necebiso eliphefumlelweyo elikwiNtshumayeli 11:10: “Yishenxise ingqumbo entliziyweni yakho, uze uyinqande intlekele enyameni yakho.”

‘Phangalala’

Noko ke, oku akuthethi ukuba akunakulunandipha unxulumano nabesini esahlukileyo. Kodwa kutheni unxulumano lwakho uluphelelisela kumntu omnye? Ngenye indlela, iBhayibhile ikhuthaza ukuba ‘siphangalale’ kunxulumano lwethu. (2 Korinte 6:12, 13) Eli licebiso elihle kubantu abaselula. Enye indlela yokwenza oku kukunxulumana neqela. UTammy uthi: “Ibhetele ngolo hlobo. Kulungile ukuba neqela labahlobo.” UMonica uthi: “Ukuba kunye neqela kuyeyona nto ilungileyo kuba ubona abantu abanobuntu obahlukeneyo yaye loo nto ikwenza uqonde ukuba baninzi abantu ongekababoni.”

Abazali bakho basenokukulungela ukuvula amathuba anandiphekayo nabanye abantu abaselula. UAnne, onabantwana ababini, uthi: “Sisoloko siqinisekisa ukuba ikhaya lethu liyindawo enandiphekayo nethandwayo ngabantwana. Simema abahlobo babo, sibaphe izimuncumuncu, baze badlale. Loo nto ibenza bangacingi ngokuphuma endlwini xa befuna ukuzonwabisa.”

Kambe ke, naphakathi kweqela ufanele ukulumkele ukunikela ingqalelo ngokugqithiseleyo kumntu omnye. Olunye ulutsha luqiqa ngokuthi ukuba luphakathi kwabanye abantu alwenzi madinga. Ungaziqhathi. (INdumiso 36:2) Ukuba uyazikhetha nalo mntu mnye sihlandlo ngasinye nihlangana njengabahlobo, oko kukwenza amadinga.b Zama ukugcina ubuhlobo nabantu besini esahlukileyo busengqiqweni.—1 Timoti 5:2.

Ukubaluleka Kokulinda

Akulula ukuxelelwa ukuba uselula kakhulu ukuba wenze amadinga. Kodwa abazali bakho abazami kukwenza buhlungu. Ngokwahlukileyo, benza konke okusemandleni abo ukuze bakuncede baze bakukhusele. Ngoko kunokuthemba intliziyo yakho uze ugatye icebiso labo, kutheni ungasebenzisi amava abo? Ngokomzekelo kutheni ungafuni kubo amacebiso xa uphinda uba nengxaki nowesini esahlukileyo? IMizekeliso 28:26 isikhumbuza oku: “Okholosa ngentliziyo yakhe usisiyatha.” UConnie oselula uthi: “Ukuba inkwenkwe iyandithanda, into endincedayo ndikwazi ukumelana nale ngcinezelo yokwenza amadinga kukuyiphalaza kumama. Undibalisela izinto ezenzeka kubahlobo bakhe nakwiintsapho zabo. Oko kundinceda ngokwenene.”

Ukulinda kangangethuba elithile ngaphambi kokuba wenze amadinga akusayi kuphazamisana nokukhula kwakho ngokweemvakalelo okanye kukuvalele inkululeko. Ekubeni ungekafikeleli kwinqanaba lobuntu obukhulu lokuthandana ngaphambi komtshato nokutshata, unenkululeko ‘yokuba nemihlali ebutsheni bakho.’ (INtshumayeli 11:9) Kwakhona ukulinda kuya kukuvulela ithuba lokuphucula ubuntu bakho, uqole, yaye okona kubalulekileyo, uphucule imeko yakho yokomoya. (IZililo 3:26, 27) Njengoko omnye oselula ongumKristu ekubeka, “ufanele ube nembopheleleko kuYehova ngaphambi kokuba uzibophelele ngomnye umntu.”

Njengoko ukhula nenkqubela yakho ibonakala kubantu bonke, abazali bakho baya kuqalisa ukukujonga ngendlela eyahlukileyo. (1 Timoti 4:15) Yaye xa sele ukulungele ngokwenene ukwenza amadinga, ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo uya kukwazi ukukwenza oko ngokuvunyelwa ngabo.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Imifanekiso ekwiphepha 29]

Ukunikela ingqalelo ekhethekileyo kumntu wesini esahlukileyo. . .

. . . ngokuqhelekileyo kuvuselela iimvakalelo zothando

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 30]

Kunokubonisa ubuhlobo kumntu omnye, phangalala kubuhlobo bakho