Umtshato Wakho Unokusindiswa!

IBhayibhile izaliswe ziziluleko eziluncedo kumadoda nakubafazi. Oku akumangalisi, kuba Lowo waphefumlela iBhayibhile ukwanguMsunguli welungiselelo lomtshato.

IBHAYIBHILE iwuchaza ngendlela esengqiqweni umtshato. Iyatsho nokuba indoda nomfazi baya kuba “nembandezelo,” okanye beve ubuhlungu. (1 Korinte 7:28) Kodwa kwakhona iBhayibhile ithi umtshato ufanele ubangele uvuyo, kwanemincili. (IMizekeliso 5:18, 19) Ezi ngcamango zimbini aziphikisani. Zibonisa nje ukuba phezu kwazo nje iingxaki ezinzima, isibini esitshatileyo sinokulondoloza ulwalamano olusenyongweni nolunothando.

Ngaba azikho ezo zinto emtshatweni wakho? Ngaba intlungu nokudana kuye kwasitha uthando novuyo olwakha lwakulwalamano lwenu? Kwanokuba uthando luye lwaphela emtshatweni wenu kangangeminyaka emininzi, lunako ukuvuselelwa kwakhona. Kambe ke, kufuneka ube nengqiqo. Akukho ndoda nomfazi abangafezekanga abanokuba nomtshato ogqibeleleyo. Noko ke, kukho amanyathelo onokuwathabatha ukuze kulungiswe amakhwiniba.

Ngoxa ufunda lo mbandela, zama ukukhangela ukuba ziziphi iingongoma ezinokuba yingenelo ngokukhethekileyo kumtshato wakho. Kunokuba ucinge ngeentsilelo zeqabane lakho, khetha amacebiso ambalwa onokuwasebenzisa, uze usebenzise isiluleko seZibhalo. Usenokufumanisa ukuba kukho ithemba ngakumbi kumtshato wakho kunokuba ubucinga.

Makhe siqale sixubushe ngesimo sengqondo kuba indlela oyijonga ngayo imbopheleleko yakho neemvakalelo zakho ngeqabane lakho zezona zinto zibalulekileyo.

Indlela Oyijonga Ngayo Imbopheleleko Yakho

Indlela oyijonga ngayo imbopheleleko yakho ibalulekile ukuba uza kulungisa umtshato wakho. Ngapha koko, ilungiselelo lomtshato lasekwa nguThixo ukuze adibanise abantu ababini ukuze bangahlukani. (Genesis 2:24; Mateyu 19:4, 5) Ngoko ke, ulwalamano lwakho neqabane lakho alufani nomsebenzi onokuwuyeka okanye indawo yokuhlala onokuyishiya ngokucima isivumelwano obusenzile sokuyithenga uze umke. Kunoko, xa utshata wenza isithembiso esibalulekileyo sokunamathela kwiqabane lakho, enoba kumnyam’ entla. Ukuziva ubophelelekile kuvisisana noko kwathethwa nguYesu Kristu kwiminyaka emalunga nama-2 000 eyadlulayo: “Oko uThixo akubophelele ngedyokhwe ndawonye makungahlukaniswa mntu.”—Mateyu 19:6.

Abanye basenokuthi, ‘Kodwa sisahlala kunye. Ngaba oko akungqini ukuba omnye ubophelelekile komnye?’ Mhlawumbi kunjalo. Noko ke, njengoko kutshiwo ekuqaleni kolu ngcelele lwamanqaku, ezinye izibini ezitshatileyo ezihlala kunye zikwimitshato ezaliswe ziinkathazo, zibambiseke kuyo ingenaluthando injalo. Usukelo lwakho kukwenza umtshato wakho unandipheke, unganyamezeleki nje kuphela. Imbopheleleko yakho imele ibe kukunyaniseka kungekuphela nje kwilungiselelo lomtshato kodwa nakumntu owenze isifungo sokumthanda uze umnyamekele.—Efese 5:33.

Izinto ozithetha kwiqabane lakho zinokutyhila indlela enzulu ngayo imbopheleleko yakho ngalo. Ngokomzekelo, xa ingxabano ishushu, amanye amadoda nabafazi bathetha ngendlela engachubekanga efana nokuthi “Ndiza kukushiya!” okanye “Ndiza kufuna omnye umntu oza kundixabisa!” Kwanokuba loo mazwi akazi kwenzeka ngokwenene, abonisa ukungabopheleleki nokuba, umnyango uvulekile yaye umntu owathethayo sele elungele ukuphuma emtshatweni.

Ukuze ubuyisele uthando emtshatweni wakho, ziphephe ezo zisongelo kwincoko yakho. Ngapha koko, ngaba ubuya kuyihombisa indawo yokuhlala ukuba ubusazi ukuba ngenye imini uya kuyishiya? Ngoko ke, kutheni ulindela ukuba iqabane lakho lilungise umtshato ongayi kuhlala? Zimisele ukuba uya kusebenza ngamandla ekufuneni izicombululo.

Oku koko kwenziwa ngomnye umfazi emva kokutyhubela amaxesha obunzima nomyeni wakhe. Uthi: “Nangona ndandikhe ndimcaphukele maxa wambi, andizange ndicinge ngokuphuma kolu lwalamano. Nantoni na eyayisonakala, sasizimisele ukuyilungisa. Yaye ngoku, emva kweminyaka emibini yamahlandinyuka, ngokunyanisekileyo ndingathi siphinde sonwaba kwakhona.”

Ewe, imbopheleleko ithetha ukuncedisana—kungekhona nje ukuhlala kunye kodwa ukusebenzela ukufikelela usukelo olufanayo. Noko ke, unokuvakalelwa kukuba senihleli nje emtshatweni kuba ninyanzelekile. Ukuba kunjalo, musa ukuphelelwa lithemba. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba uthando lwenu luphinde luvuseleleke. Inokwenziwa njani loo nto?

Ukubeka Iqabane Lakho

IBhayibhile ithi: “Umtshato mawubekeke phakathi kwenu nonke.” (Hebhere 13:4; Roma 12:10) Iindlela zokusetyenziswa kwegama lesiGrike apha eliguqulelwe ngokuthi “mawubekeke,” kwezinye iindawo eBhayibhileni ziguqulelwe ngokuthi “mawuthandeke,” “mawuhlonelwe,” “mawuxabiseke.” Xa siyixabisa gqitha into ethile, senza imigudu ukuzama ukuyinyamekela. Mhlawumbi usenokuba uye wafumanisa kunjalo ngendoda enenqwelo-mafutha entsha yexabiso eliphezulu. Iyigcina inqwelo-mafutha yayo exabisekileyo ibengezela yaye ikwimeko entle. Kuyo nomkrwelwana nje uba ngathi yinto enkulu! Nabanye abantu ngokufanayo bayinyamekela ngolo hlobo impilo yabo. Kutheni besenjenjalo nje? Kungenxa yokuba bayazixabisa yaye bafuna ukuhlala bekhuselekile.

Wukhusele ngendlela efanayo umtshato wakho. IBhayibhile ithi uthando “luthemba izinto zonke.” (1 Korinte 13:7) Kunokuba uxhom’ izandla—mhlawumbi uncama ukuba ungaphucula usithi, “Asizange sathandana kakade,” “Satshata sibancinane gqitha,” okanye uthi “Sasingayazi into esasiyenza”—kutheni ungathembi ukuba izinto ziza kulunga uze uzame ukuphucula, ulindele imiphumo emihle ngomonde? Omnye umcebisi ngemibandela yomtshato uthi: “Uninzi lwabo ndibacebisayo ndidla ngokuluva lusithi, ‘Kwanele ndidikiwe!’ Kunokukhangela olu lwalamano luze lubone iindawo ezifuna ukulungiswa, ngokudyuduzela luthatha wonke umtshato luwuphose kude njengeyona nto inzima, kuquka nemilinganiselo obelunayo, namava oluwaqokeleleyo, nayo nantoni na eyingenelo kwikamva.”

Ngawaphi amava eninawo neqabane lakho? Ngaphandle kwamagingxigingxi olwalamano lwenu, ngokuqinisekileyo ninokucinga ngamaxesha obumnandi, izinto eniziphumezileyo nocelomngeni eniye najamelana nalo ninobabini. Zikhumbule ezi zihlandlo uze ubonise ukuba uyawuxabisa umtshato wakho neqabane lakho ngokuzimisela ukusebenza ukuze uphucule ulwalamano lwenu. IBhayibhile ithi uYehova uThixo unomdla kakhulu kwindlela amaqabane omtshato aphathana ngayo. Ngokomzekelo, ngemihla yomprofeti uMalaki, uYehova wakhalimela amadoda angamaSirayeli awaqhubana ngobuqhophololo nabafazi bawo ngokuqhawula nabo imitshato ngezizathu ezingavakaliyo. (Malaki 2:13-16) AmaKristu afuna imitshato yawo izise uzuko kuYehova uThixo.

Ingxabano—Imbi Kangakanani?

Eyona nto ibangela imitshato engenaluthando kubonakala ngathi kukoyisakala komfazi nendoda ukulawula ingxabano. Ekubeni abantu ababini bengenakufana twatse, maxa wambi kuyo yonke imitshato kuya kubakho ukungavisisani. Kodwa izibini ezisoloko zixabana ziya kufumanisa ukuba ngokuhamba kweminyaka uthando lwazo luyaphela. Zisenokugqiba ngelithi, ‘Asifanelani. Sisoloko sisilwa!’

Kodwa ingxabano ayithethi kuphela komtshato. Umbuzo uthi, Kuhlangatyezwana njani nengxabano? Kumtshato ophumelelayo, indoda nomfazi bafunda ukuthetha ngeengxaki zabo, ngaphandle kokuba “ziintshaba ezisenyongweni,” ngokutsho komnye ugqirha.

‘Amandla Olwimi’

Ngaba wena neqabane lakho niyakwazi ukuthetha ngeengxaki zenu? Nobabini nifanele nikulungele ukuzisombulula. Enyanisweni obu bubuchule—ekunokuba lucelomngeni ukuba umntu abufunde. Ngoba? Phakathi kwezinye izinto, sonke maxa wambi ‘siyakhubeka ezwini’ ngenxa yokungafezeki. (Yakobi 3:2) Kanti okunye, abanye bethu bakhulela kwikhaya elinomzali owayesoloko enomsindo. Kwasebuncinaneni, ngandlel’ ithile bafundiswa ukuba umsindo okhawulezayo nokuthuka kuyinto eqhelekileyo. Inkwenkwe ekhulele kwimeko enjalo isenokukhula ‘ingumntu onomsindo,’ ‘otyekele emsindweni.’ (IMizekeliso 29:22) Ngokufanayo, nentombazana ekhule ngolo hlobo isenokuba ‘ngumfazi onochuku okhalazayo.’ (IMizekeliso 21:19, IBhayibhile yesiXhosa yowe-1996) Kusenokuba nzima ukuncothula indlela yokucinga eyendeleyo.a

Ngoko ke, ukulawula ingxabano kuquka ukufunda iindlela ezintsha zokukhupha imbilini yakho. Oku akuyonto nje ingenamsebenzi, kuba umzekeliso weBhayibhile uthi: “Ukufa nobomi kusemandleni olwimi.” (IMizekeliso 18:21) Ewe, nangona loo nto isenokukhangeleka ilula, indlela othetha ngayo neqabane lakho inokulutshabalalisa okanye iluvuselele ulwalamano lwenu. Omnye umzekeliso weBhayibhile uthi: “Kukho othetha engacinganga njengokuhlaba kwekrele, kodwa ulwimi lwezilumko luyaphilisa.”—IMizekeliso 12:18.

Kwanokuba iqabane lakho lelona linengxaki kule nkalo, zicinge izinto ozithethayo xa kungavunyelwana. Ngaba amazwi akho ayenzakalisa okanye ayaphilisa? Ngaba abangela umsindo okanye ayawudambisa? IBhayibhile ithi: “Ilizwi elibangela intlungu linyusa umsindo.” Ngokwahlukileyo koko, “impendulo, xa inobulali, isusa umsindo.” (IMizekeliso 15:1) Amazwi abangela intlungu—kwanokuba athethwa ngokuzolileyo—anokuyenza ibe mbi kakhulu imeko.

Kambe ke, ukuba kukho okuthile okukuphazamisayo, unelungelo lokuthetha ngako. (Genesis 21:9-12) Kodwa unokuyenza loo nto ngaphandle kokubhenela kwimpoxo, ukuthuka nokuhlazisa. Zibekele imida eluqilima—ezinye zezinto ongasayi kuzithetha kwiqabane lakho, njengokuthi “Ndiyakucaphukela” okanye ukuthi, “Akwaba sasingazange sitshate.” Yaye nangona umpostile ongumKristu uPawulos wayengathethi ngomtshato, kububulumko ukukuphepha ukubandakanyeka koko wakubiza ngokuba ‘kukuxambulisana ngamazwi’ ‘neempikiswano zochuku.’b (1 Timoti 6:4, 5) Ukuba iqabane lakho lisebenzisa iindlela ezinjalo, akulindelekanga ukuba nawe uphendule ngolo hlobo. Kangangoko unokwenza, zabalazela uxolo.—Roma 12:17, 18; Filipi 2:14.

Kuyavunywa ukuba, xa umsindo usempumlweni, kunzima ukulawula amazwi akho. Umbhali weBhayibhile uYakobi uthi: “Ulwimi lungumlilo. . . . Akukho namnye kuluntu onako ukulwenza mbuna. Luyinto engalawulekiyo embi, luzele yityhefu ebulalayo.” (Yakobi 3:6, 8) Ngoko yintoni onokuyenza xa umsindo usakhelana? Unokuthetha njani neqabane lakho ngendlela enokuthomalalisa ingxabano kunokuyibasela?

Indlela Yokuthomalalisa Ingxabano Eshushu

Abanye baye bakufumanisa kulula ukuthomalalisa umsindo baze bathethe ngemibandela exhalabisayo xa belumkela indlela abavakalelwa ngayo kunokujonga izenzo zamaqabane abo. Ngokomzekelo, ukuthi, “Kundikhathazile oko uye wakuthetha” kuluncedo ngakumbi kunokuthi “Undikhathazile” okanye, “Ungaphindi uyithethe loo nto.” Kambe ke, uchaza indlela ovakalelwa ngayo, ilizwi lakho alifanele libe nobukrakra nokucaphuka. Ufanele ubalaselise ingxaki kunokuhlasela omnye umntu.—Genesis 27:45–28:1.

Ukongezelela, hlala ukhumbula ukuba, “kukho ixesha lokuthi cwaka nexesha lokuthetha.” (INtshumayeli 3:7) Xa abantu ababini bethetha ngaxeshanye, akakho ophulaphulayo yaye akukho nto ilungiswayo. Ngoko xa kufika ithuba lakho lokuphulaphula, ‘khawuleza ukuva, cotha ukuthetha.’ Enye into ebalulekileyo, ‘cotha ukuqumba.’ (Yakobi 1:19) Musa ukubamba onke amazwi ahlabayo athethwa liqabane lakho; ‘ungakhawulezi nokucaphuka ngomoya wakho.’ (INtshumayeli 7:9) Kunoko, zama ukuqonda iimvakalelo ezibangele iqabane lakho lithethe loo mazwi. IBhayibhile ithi: “Ingqiqo yomntu ngokuqinisekileyo imenza azeke kade umsindo, yaye kuyinto entle kuye ukukubetha ngoyaba ukunxaxha.” (IMizekeliso 19:11) Ukuqonda kunokunceda indoda okanye umfazi ajonge kwiingcambu zokungavisisani.

Ngokomzekelo, ukukhalaza komfazi esithi indoda ayichithi xesha kunye naye kusenokungabhekiseli nje kwiiyure nemizuzu. Kusenokuba nento yokwenza nokungahoywa nokungaxatyiswa kweemvakalelo zakhe. Ngokufanayo, isikhalazo sendoda sokuthenga ngokudyuduzela komfazi wayo kusenokungabhekiseli nje kuphela kwiirandi neesenti. Sisenokuba sibhekisela ekubekelweni kwayo ecaleni xa kusenziwa izigqibo. Indoda okanye umfazi onengqiqo uya kukhangela iingcambu zale nto aze abone eyona nto ibangela ingxaki.—IMizekeliso 16:23.

Ngaba kulula ukuyithetha le nto kunokuyenza? Kunjalo kanye! Maxa wambi, phezu kwayo nje imigudu yokuzimisela, kuya kuthethwa amazwi angengowabubele, yaye loo nto iya kubangela umsindo. Xa ubona ukuba le nto iyaqalisa, kusenokufuneka ulandele icebiso elikwiMizekeliso 17:14: “Ngaphambi kokuba kuvele ingxabano, rhoxa.” Akukho nto iphosakeleyo ngokuyibekela elinye ixesha ingxubusho, de kuthothe iimvakalelo. Ukuba kunzima ukuthetha ngendlela ezolileyo, kusenokucebiseka ukuba nicele umhlobo oqolileyo ukuba ahlale nani phantsi aze anincedise ekulungiseni ukungavisisani kwenu.c

Londoloza Imbono Esengqiqweni

Musa ukudimazeka ukuba umtshato wakho awuyiyo into owawunombono wayo ngoxa nanisathandana. Lithi elinye iqela leengcali: “Umtshato awuthethi ulonwabo olungapheliyo kubantu abaninzi. Uba mnandi gqitha maxa wambi, uphinde ube krakra gqitha.”

Ewe, umtshato usenokungabi kukuthandana okukwincwadi yamabali, kodwa akuyomfuneko ukuba ube sebugxwayibeni. Ngoxa kuya kubakho amaxesha apho kuya kufuneka ninyamezelane neqabane lakho, kuya kubakho namaxesha ekuya kufuneka nibeke ukungavisisani kwenu ecaleni nize ninandiphe ukuba kunye, niziyolise, nithethe njengabahlobo. (Efese 4:2; Kolose 3:13) La ngamaxesha eniya kubuyisela uthando obelusele luphela.

Khumbula, abantu ababini abangafezekanga abanakuba nomtshato ofezekileyo. Kodwa banokufumana umlinganiselo othile wolonwabo. Enyanisweni, kwanokuba kunzima, ulwalamano lwakho neqabane lakho lunokuzaliswa lulwaneliseko. Nantsi into omele uqiniseke ngayo: Ukuba wena neqabane lakho nenza umgudu yaye nikulungele ukuba bhetyebhetye, aze omnye afune ingenelo yomnye, kukho isizathu esivakalayo sokuba umtshato wenu unokusindiswa.—1 Korinte 10:24.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 12]

Ngaba amazwi akho ayenzakalisa okanye ayaphilisa?

[Ibhokisi/Imifanekiso ekwiphepha 10]

UKUYIPHOSA KAKUHLE IBHOLA

IBhayibhile ithi: “Amazwi enu makasoloko ekholekile, enongwe ngetyuwa, ukuze nikwazi ukuphendula bonke ngabanye.” (Kolose 4:6) Ngokuqinisekileyo oku kuyasebenza emtshatweni! Ngokomzekelo: Kumdlalo wokuphoselana, uphosa ibhola ukuze ibanjwe lula. Akuyiphosi ngamandla ukuze yenzakalise iqabane lakho. Sebenzisa umgaqo ofanayo xa uthetha neqabane lakho. Ukulahla amazwi akrakra kunokubangela umonakalo. Kunoko, thetha kakuhle—ngokunovelwano ukuze iqabane lakho liyifumane ingongoma.

[Ibhokisi/Umfanekiso okwiphepha 11]

ZIKHUMBUZE NGEZINTO ZEXESHA ELIDLULEYO!

Funda iileta namakhadi exesha elidluleyo. Jonga imifanekiso. Zibuze, ‘Yintoni eyanditsalayo kwiqabane lam? Ziziphi iimpawu zalo endizithanda kakhulu? Ziziphi izinto esikhe sazenza kunye? Yintoni esihlekisayo?’ Thetha neqabane lakho ngezi zinto uzikhumbulayo. Incoko eqala ngolu hlobo “Usakhumbula ngokuya-a . . . ?” inokunceda wena neqabane lakho nivuselele iimvakalelo enakha nabelana ngazo.

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 12]

IQABANE ELITSHA LIZA NEENGXAKI EZIFANAYO

Amanye amaqabane avakalelwa kukuba abambiseke kumtshato ongenaluthando aye atyekele ekuqaleni ngokutsha neqabane elitsha. Kodwa iBhayibhile iyalugweba ukrexezo, isithi umntu owenza esi sono “uswele intliziyo [“usisidenge esingenangqiqo,” New English Bible]” yaye “wonakalisa umphefumlo wakhe.” (IMizekeliso 6:32) Ekugqibeleni, umkrexezi ongaguqukiyo uphulukana nenkoliseko kaThixo—eyona ntlekele imbi unokucinga ngayo.—Hebhere 13:4.

Obona budenge bokukrexeza bunokubonakala nangezinye iindlela. Phakathi kwezinye izinto umkrexezi otshata neqabane elitsha usenokujamelana neengxaki ezifanayo nebezithwaxa umtshato wakhe wokuqala. UGqr. Diane Medved uza nenye ingongoma esinokucinga ngayo. Uthi: “Into yokuqala efunyaniswa liqabane lakho elitsha kukuba, ukhe unganyaniseki. Liyazi ukuba uyakwazi ukuqhatha umntu obuthembise ukumbeka. Liyazi ukuba uyathanda ukuzithethelela. Liyazi ukuba uyakwazi ukuqhawula izintya zembopheleleko. Liyazi ukuba ngenxa yokuzanelisa nokuziva unguthile uhendeka lula. . . . Iqabane lesibini linokuqiniseka njani ukuba akunakuhendelwa ukuba ulishiye nalo?”

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 14]

UBULUMKO OBUFUMANEKA KWIMIZEKELISO YEBHAYIBHILE

• IMizekeliso 10:19: “Ebuninzini bamazwi akusweleki kunxaxha, kodwa oyinqandayo imilebe yakhe wenza ngokunengqiqo.”

Xa ucaphukile, usenokuthetha izinto ongazicinganga—uze uzisole ngazo kamva.

• IMizekeliso 15:18: “Indoda enomsindo ixhokonxa usukuzwano, kodwa ozeka kade umsindo udambisa ingxabano.”

Izityholo ezihlabayo zisenokwenza iqabane lakho lizikhusele, logama ukuphulaphulana ngomonde kuya kuninceda nobabini nifikelele kwisicombululo.

• IMizekeliso 17:27: “Nabani na owabambayo amazwi akhe unolwazi, nomntu oqondayo unomoya opholileyo.”

Xa usiva ngathi umsindo uyakhelana kuwe, kulunge ngakumbi ukuthula ukuze uphephe ukugrwangxulana.

• IMizekeliso 29:11: “Isiyatha sikhupha wonke umoya waso, kodwa isilumko siwugcina uzolile kude kuse ekupheleni.”

Ukuzeyisa kubalulekile. Ukuthetha amazwi ahlabayo kuya kunahlula neqabane lakho.