Lapho Kuba Nokungezwani Emshadweni

AWUKHO umbhangqwana ophile kakhe engqondweni ojabulayo lapho kuba nezingxabano emshadweni. Noma kunjalo, azive zandile. Kuvame ukuba omunye asho into ecasula omunye, bathethisane, bathukuthele bangqangqe, kuqale ingxabano, batshelane amagama abuhlungu ngenxa yokuthi sebelimazene imizwa. Ngemva kwalokho, kuyashuba endlini, bobabili baqinise amakhanda angabi khona ozimisele ukukhulumisa omunye. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, igwebu lentukuthelo liyabohla, omunye nomunye acele uxolo komunye. Izinto zibe sezibuyela esimweni—okungenani kuze kube yilapho kuba nokunye ukungezwani.

Kuthelevishini, kunezinhlelo ezixoxa ngemishado futhi kunezinhlelo zamahlaya ezibonisa abantu abashadile bexabana, kodwa empeleni izingxabano eziba semshadweni azihlekisi neze. Isaga seBhayibheli sithi: “Amazwi angenakho ukucabangela angahlaba ajule njenganoma iyiphi inkemba.” (IzAga 12:18, Today’s English Version) Yebo, inkulumo ehlabayo ingashiya izibazi ezingokomzwelo ezihlala isikhathi eside seyaphela kudala ingxabano. Ukuhilizisana kungaze kwenze abanye babe nobudlova.—Eksodusi 21:18.

Yebo, ngenxa yokungapheleli komuntu, ngezinye izikhathi izinkinga zomshado azinakugwenywa. (Genesise 3:16; 1 Korinte 7:28) Noma kunjalo, akufanele kuthathwe njengento engasho lutho lapho abantu abashadile bexabana njalo futhi beba nezingxabano ezishubile. Izazi ziye zaphawula ukuthi ukuxabana njalo kwandisa amathuba okuba umbhangqwana ugcine uhlukene. Ngakho, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba wena noshade naye nifunde indlela yokusingatha ukungezwani ngokuthula.

Ukuhlaziya Isimo

Uma kugcwele ukungezwani emshadweni wakho, zama ukuthola ukuthi kuvame ukwenzeka into efanayo njalo yini lapho nixabana. Kuvame ukwenzekani lapho wena noshade naye ningaboni ngaso linye endabeni ethile? Ingabe ingxoxo yenu ivele ingalawuleki, nigcine seneyisana futhi nibekana icala? Uma kuba njalo, ningenzenjani?

Okokuqala, ngokwethembeka, bheka indlela wena ngokwakho owenezela ngayo enkingeni. Uyashesha yini ukucasuka? Ingabe umthetho wakho uyathanda ukuqophisana? Umngane wakho womshado yena angathini ngawe ngokuqondene nalokhu? Kubalulekile ukuwucabangela lo mbuzo wokugcina ngoba wena noshade naye ningase nibe nemibono engafani ngalokho okwenza umuntu abe othanda ukuqophisana.

Ngokwesibonelo, ake sithi umngane wakho womshado ungumuntu oyisithuli, kanti wena uyazikhulumela futhi lapho ukhuluma uyayibonakalisa imizwa. Ungase uthi: “Ngisakhula, sasikhuluma kanjena sonke ekhaya. Uma ngikhuluma kanje, ngisuke ngingalwi!” Futhi mhlawumbe wena awukuthathi njengokulwa. Nokho, mhlawumbe lokho wena okubheka njengokukhululeka ubeke izinto njengoba zinjalo kunokuba ufele ngaphakathi, oshade naye ukubheka njengengxabano elimazayo nokuthanda umsindo. Ukwazi nje ukuthi wena nomngane wakho womshado ninezindlela ezingafani zokukhuluma kungasiza ekuvimbeleni ukungezwani.

Khumbula futhi ukuthi ukuxabana akusho ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuphakamiselana amazwi. UPawulu wabhalela amaKristu: ‘Makususwe kini ukuklabalasa nokuhlambalaza.’ (Efesu 4:31) “Ukuklabalasa” kubhekisela ekuphakamiseni amazwi, kanti “ukuhlambalaza” kusho lokho okuqukethwe yilawo mazwi. Sicabangela leli phuzu, ngisho namazwi ashiwo ngokuhlebeza angenza abantu baxabane uma ecasula noma elulaza.

Unalokho engqondweni, bheka futhi indlela okusingatha ngayo ukungezwani noshade naye. Uyathanda yini ukuqophisana? Njengoba sesibonile, impendulo okuyiyonayona ixhomeke embonweni womngane wakho womshado. Kunokuba uthi oshade naye umane nje uzwela ngokweqile, zama ukuzibheka ngendlela oshade naye akubheka ngayo, bese ulungisa lapho kumelwe ulungise khona. UPawulu wabhala: “Yilowo nalowo makangazifuneli inzuzo yakhe siqu, kodwa eyomunye umuntu.”—1 Korinte 10:24.

‘Naka Indlela Olalela Ngayo’

Enye indlela yokusingatha ukungezwani itholakala emazwini kaJesu: “Nakani indlela enilalela ngayo.” (Luka 8:18) Yiqiniso, uJesu wayengakhulumi ngokukhulumisana emshadweni. Nokho, lesi simiso siyasebenza nakhona. Umlalelisisa kangakanani umngane wakho womshado? Kona ukumlalela uyamlalela nje? Noma umngena emlonyeni, umtshele indlela angayisingatha ngayo inkinga ongakayiqondi nokuyiqonda nawe ngempela? IBhayibheli lithi: “Lapho umuntu ephendula indaba ngaphambi kokuba ayizwe, lokho kungubuwula kuye nokululazeka.” (IzAga 18:13) Ngakho-ke, lapho kuba khona ukungezwani, kudingeka wena nomngane wakho womshado nixoxe ngakho futhi nilalelisisane ngempela.

Kunokuwuthela ngamanzi umbono womngane wakho womshado, lwela ‘ukumbonisa uzwela.’ (1 Petru 3:8) EsiGrekini sokuqala, ngokuyisisekelo, le nkulumo ibonisa ukuba kanye nomunye umuntu ebuhlungwini bakhe. Uma oshade naye ekhathazwa okuthile, nawe kufanele ukhathazeke. Zama ukubheka indaba ngombono wakhe.

Ngokusobala, u-Isaka, indoda eyesaba uNkulunkulu yakwenza lokho. IBhayibheli lisitshela ukuthi umkakhe, uRebheka, wayecindezelwe kakhulu inkinga yasekhaya eyayiphathelene nendodana yakhe uJakobe. Watshela u-Isaka: “Ngiyakwenyanya lokhu kuphila kwami ngenxa yamadodakazi kaHeti. Uma uJakobe engathatha umfazi emadodakazini kaHeti njengalawa avela emadodakazini ezwe, kunanzuzoni ukuphila kimi?”—Genesise 27:46.

Kuyavunywa, ngenxa yokukhathazeka kakhulu, cishe uRebheka wenza ihaba. Wayekwenyanya ngempela yini ukuphila kwakhe? Ingabe ngempela wayengancamela ukufa uma indodana yakhe yayingashada nendodakazi engumHeti? Cishe wayengeke. Noma kunjalo, u-Isaka akazange ayithathe kancane imizwa yakhe. Kunalokho, u-Isaka wabona ukuthi uRebheka wayekhathazeke ngakhona, futhi wathatha isinyathelo esifanele. (Genesise 28:1) Nawe yenza okufanayo lapho ngokuzayo owakwakho ekhathazwa okuthile. Kunokuba umane ukuthele ngamanzi nje ukukhathazeka kwakhe, njengokungathi akunamkhuba, mlalele, uhloniphe umbono wakhe, futhi usabele ngendlela ebonisa isihawu.

Ukulalela Nokuqondisisa

Isaga seBhayibheli sithi: “Ukuqondisisa komuntu ngokuqinisekile kubambezela intukuthelo yakhe.” (IzAga 19:11) Engxabanweni eshubile, akuve kulula ukuvele usabele noma kanjani lapho umngane wakho womshado ekhuluma amazwi ahlabayo. Nokho, lokhu kuvame ukuyivuthela ingxabano. Ngakho, lapho ulalele oshade naye ekhuluma, zimisele ukungalaleli nje amagama awashoyo, kodwa ulalele nemizwa evezwa yilawo magama. Ukuqondisisa okunjalo kuyokwenza ungalawulwa ukucasuka, futhi nigcine niwutholile umsuka wenkinga.

Ngokwesibonelo, ake sithi umkakho uthi kuwe, “Awulokothi uchithe isikhathi nami!” Ungase uthambekele ekucasukeni, futhi uphike ubeke amaphuzu angenasisindo. Ungase uphendule: “Ngachitha usuku lonke nawe ngenyanga edlule!” Kodwa uma ulalelisisa, ungabona ukuthi umkakho akaceli ngempela ukuba uchithe imizuzu noma amahora athé xaxa naye. Kunalokho, kungenzeka ukuthi udinga ukuqinisekiswa, ukutshela ukuthi uzizwa enganakiwe futhi engathandwa.

Ake sithi uyinkosikazi futhi umyeni wakho uthi ukhathazekile ngento ethile osanda kuyithenga. Angase abuze engakholwa: “Kodwa uyithengeleni nje into ebiza kangaka?” Wena ungase ufune ukuzivikela ngokuqondene nokusetshenziswa kwemali lapha ekhaya noma uqhathanise okuthengile nalokho yena akuthengile. Nokho, ukuqondisisa kungase kukusize ubone ukuthi umyeni wakho akakhali ngemali ngempela. Kunalokho, kungenzeka ukuthi ukhathazwa ukuthi awuzange uxoxe naye ngaphambi kokuthenga leyo nto ebizayo.

Yiqiniso, imibhangqwana ingase ibe nezindlela zayo ezingefani zokuhlela ukuthi ichitha isikhathi esingakanani ndawonye nokunquma ezindabeni zokuthenga. Iphuzu liwukuthi lapho izinto ezinje zibangela ukuxabana, ukuqondisisa kuyokwenza ungasheshi ukuthukuthela futhi kukwenze ukwazi ukubona okuyiyona nkinga okumelwe isingathwe. Kunokuba uvele ukhulume nje, landela isiyalo somlobi weBhayibheli uJakobe, ‘sokushesha ukuzwa, wephuze ukukhuluma, wephuze ukuthukuthela.’—Jakobe 1:19.

Kodwa lapho usukhuluma, khumbula ukuthi kubalulekile ukuthi ukhuluma kanjani nowakwakho. IBhayibheli lithi “ulimi lwabahlakaniphile lungukuphulukisa.” (IzAga 12:18) Lapho wena noshade naye nizithola nixabana, ingabe amazwi akho ayalimaza noma ayaphulukisa? Ingabe akha imigoqo, noma enza kube nendlela yokubuyisana? Njengoba sesibonile, ukuphendula ngolaka noma ngokungacabangi kumane kuyibhebhethekise ingxabano.—IzAga 29:22.

Uma ukungezwani kugcina kunenze natshelana ezikabhoqo, yenza umzamo owengeziwe wokusingatha inkinga ekhona ngaleso sikhathi. Hlasela inkinga, hhayi umuntu. Khathalela kakhulu ukuthi yini elungile okufanele yenziwe, kunokukhathalela ukuthi ubani osephutheni. Waqaphe amazwi akho angayibhebhethekisi ingxabano. IBhayibheli lithi: “Izwi elibangela ubuhlungu lenyusa intukuthelo.” (IzAga 15:1) Yebo, lokho okushoyo nendlela okusho ngayo yikhona okuyosho ukuthi wenza owakwakho abambisane nawe noma cha.

Zimisele Ukuxazulula Ukungezwani, Hhayi Ukuba Kugcine Wena

Lapho sisingatha ukungezwani, sisuke sihlose ukuthola isixazululo kunokufuna ukuba kugcine thina. Ningasithola kanjani isixazululo? Indlela eqinisekile iwukufuna nokusebenzisa iseluleko seBhayibheli, futhi abayeni kufanele kube yibo ngokukhethekile abathatha isinyathelo kuqala kulokhu. Kunokuba nisheshe nikhiphe amagama aqatha ngokuqondene nokuthi nizizwa kanjani ngendaba noma ngezinkinga eninazo ngaleso sikhathi, kungani ningazibheki ngombono kaJehova? Thandazani kuye, futhi nifune ukuthula kukaNkulunkulu okuyolinda izinhliziyo zenu namandla enu engqondo. (Efesu 6:18; Filipi 4:6, 7) Yenza umzamo wenkuthalo wokungakhathaleli nje kuphela izindaba zakho, kodwa ukhathalele nezomngane wakho womshado.—Filipi 2:4.

Ngokuvamile, okwenza isimo esibi vele sibe sibi nakakhulu ukuvumela imizwa yakho elimele nemizwelo engalawuleki kulawule imicabango nezenzo zakho. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukuzimisela ukulungiswa iseluleko seZwi likaNkulunkulu kuholela ekuthuleni, ekuvumelaneni, nasesibusisweni sikaJehova. (2 Korinte 13:11) Ngakho-ke, qondiswa “ukuhlakanipha kwaphezulu,” bonisa izimfanelo zikaNkulunkulu, futhi uthole imivuzo ‘njengalabo abenza ukuthula.’—Jakobe 3:17, 18.

Empeleni, sonke kufanele sifunde ukusingatha ukungezwani ngokuthula, ngisho noma lokho kusho ukuhoxa kulokho obungathanda kwenzeke. (1 Korinte 6:7) Yebo, sebenzisa isiyalo sikaPawulu sokulahla ‘ulaka, intukuthelo, ububi, inkulumo eyihlazo, nenkulumo eyichilo ephuma emlonyeni. Uhlubule ubuntu obudala nemikhuba yabo, ugqoke ubuntu obusha.’—Kolose 3:8-10.

Yiqiniso, ngezinye izikhathi kuyokwenzeka usho izinto oyozisola ngazo kamuva. (Jakobe 3:8) Lapho lokho kwenzeka, xolisa kumngane wakho womshado. Qhubeka njalo wenza umzamo. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, cishe wena nowakwakho niyobona ukuthi nenze intuthuko enkulu endleleni yokusingatha ukungezwani.

[Ibhokisi/Isithombe ekhasini 22]

Izinyathelo Ezintathu Zokuxazulula Ukungezwani

• Mlalele oshade naye.—IzAga 10:19

• Hlonipha umbono wakhe.—Filipi 2:4

• Sabela ngendlela ebonisa uthando.—1 Korinte 13:4-7

[Ibhokisi/Isithombe ekhasini 23]

Ongakwenza Manje

Buza oshade naye imibuzo engezansi, bese ulalela izimpendulo zakhe ngaphandle kokumngena emlonyeni. Ngemva kwalokho, naye angabe esekubuza yona le mibuzo.

• Ingabe ngingumuntu othanda ukuqophisana?

• Ngiyakulalela ngempela yini lapho uveza imizwa yakho, noma ngivele ngikungene emlonyeni ungakaqedi ukukhuluma?

• Uma ngikhuluma nawe, ingabe ngizwakala ngingenazwela noma ngithukuthele?

• Yini esingayenza sobabili ukuze sithuthukise indlela esikhulumisana ngayo—ikakhulukazi lapho kukhona esingaboni ngaso linye kukho?

[Isithombe ekhasini 21]

Ingabe uyalalela?

[Isithombe ekhasini 22]

“Ngizizwa nginganakiwe futhi ngingathandwa”

[Isithombe ekhasini 22]

“Awulokothi uchithe isikhathi nami!”

[Isithombe ekhasini 22]

“Ngachitha usuku lonke nawe ngenyanga edlule!”