Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ngingakugwema Kanjani Ukudlala Ngokuziphatha Okubi?

“Ngangivame ukucabanga ukuthi kulungile ukuphululana, ukuthi kwakumane nje kuyindlela yokubonakalisa imizwa nothando lwami olujulile. Ngangicabanga ukuthi ngingayeka ngaphambi kokwenza noma yini engathi sína ngempela njengokuhlobonga. Kodwa ngangenze iphutha ngempela.” Wabhala kanjalo owesifazane osemusha okuthiwa uValerie owahileleka ekuziphatheni okubi ngokobulili.a

INTSHA engamaKristu iyazi ukuthi iBhayibheli liyabulahla ubulili bangaphambi komshado. (1 Korinte 6:9, 10) Nokho, abanye bangase bangaqapheli ukuthi iBhayibheli liyakulahla nokudlala ngokuziphatha okubi ngokobulili—ukuhileleka ezenzweni zokusondelana ezigcinelwe kuphela imibhangqwana eshadile.b (Galathiya 5:19) Ingabe lokhu kusho ukuthi kuyiphutha ukubonakalisa uthando? Lutho neze.

IBhayibheli lisitshela ngendaba yentombazane yomShulamithi nomfana ongumalusi ababethembisene umshado. Ukuqomisana kwabo kwakuhlanzekile futhi kunokuziphatha okuhle okungenasici. Nokho, kusobala ukuthi babebonisana izenzo ezithile zothando ngaphambi kokuba bashade. (IsiHlabelelo seziHlabelelo 1:2; 2:6; 8:5) Namuhla, eminye imibhangqwana eqomisene ingase ibe nomuzwa ofanayo wokuthi ukubambana ngezandla nokwangana kuwukubonakaliswa okufanelekile kothando lapho umshado ubonakala ususeduze.c

Kulula kakhulu ngisho nangombhangqwana onezisusa ezihloniphekayo ukuba uthatheke bese uqala ukudlala ngokuziphatha okubi ngokobulili. Ungakugwema kanjani ukwenza kanjalo?

‘Ukuhlala Uqaphile’

KumaHubo 119:9, umhubi wabuza: “Insizwa iyakuyihlanza kanjani indlela yayo na?” Impendulo? “Ngokuqaphela okwezwi lakho.” Enye indlela yokuhlala uqaphile iwukukhetha abangane bakho. “Abangane bami bangicindezela ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuba ngihlobonge,” kusho omunye umfana waseMelika okuthiwa uNakia. IBhayibheli liyaxwayisa: “Umngane weziwula uyakushoshozelwa yizo.” (IzAga 13:20) Ngakho omunye umagazini wentsha wanikeza iseluleko esihle lapho uthi: “Zama ukuthola abangane abasha abanezindinganiso ezinjengezakho.”

Enye indlela yokuhlala uqaphile iwukugwema izimo eziyingozi. Cabangela lokho okwenzeka lapho umalusi owayethandana nentombazane yomShulamithi eyimemela ukuba bathathe uhambo njengezithandani. Izisusa zakhe zazimsulwa ngokwanele; wayemane nje efuna ukujabulela ubuhle bentwasahlobo nayo. Nakuba kunjalo, abafowabo abadala bentombazane yomShulamithi ‘bayithukuthelela.’ Akukhona ukuthi babengawuthembi lombhangqwana. Kodwa babezazi kahle izilingo ezazingavela uma lombhangqwana uvunyelwa ukuba ube wodwa esimweni esivusa imizwelo. Laliyini ikhambi? Abafowabo abadala baphazamisa amacebo alombhangqwana othando futhi banikeza udadewabo umsebenzi odinga amandla owawuzomgcina ematasa.—IsiHlabelelo seziHlabelelo 1:6; 2:8-15.

Ukuba nodwa esimweni esivusa imizwelo kusabangela ingozi nanamuhla. Enye intombazane eseyintsha esizoyibiza ngokuthi uMary iyakhumbula: “Lapho siphola, sasivame ukuba nomphelezeli.” Nokho, ngesinye isikhathi bazithola bebodwa endlini. “Sathatheka. Saba yiziwula ngokuvumela lokho ukuba kwenzeke. Sasinesimo sengqondo sokuthi ‘Akusoze kwenzeka kithi.’ Nokho, manje ngiyazi ukuthi kufanele nibe nomphelezeli ngaso sonke isikhathi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi izimo ziyini. Yenzani amanye amalungiselelo uma ningenakumthola enizohamba naye. Asizange siyinake ingozi.”

Ungabi ongayinaki ingozi! Uma uqomisana nothile, hlelani ukuphola kwenu ngokucophelela. Uma kungenzeka, pholani ningamaqembu, noma niqikelele ukuthi ninomphelezeli. Gwemani izimo eziyingozi, njengokuba nodwa emotweni emile noma endlini. Ngokuvamile kulondeke kakhudlwana ukujabulela ubungane bomunye nomunye ngokuvakashela eminyuziyamu, ezindaweni zokudlela, ezindaweni zokushibilika eqhweni, nokunye. Ngokufanayo, ningase nikhumbule amazwi kaHoseya 4:11: ‘Iwayini newayini elisha kususa umqondo.’ Njengoba utshwala buvame ukwehlisa amandla okwenqaba, kunengqondo ukuqaphela ukusetshenziswa kwabo nakuba usumdala ngokwanele ukuba ungaphuza.

Ukubeka Imingcele

IzAga 13:10 zinikeza esinye iseluleko esibalulekile lapho zithi: “Kwabalulekwayo kukhona ukuhlakanipha.” Ningalindi nize nibe sesimweni esithile esivusa imizwelo ngokujulile ngaphambi kokuba nimise imithetho yemingcele. Umbhangqwana oqomisene uyobe uhlakaniphile uma umisa imingcele kusengaphambili, uxoxa ngokwethembeka ukuthi ikuphi ukubonakaliswa kothando okufanelekile. Nokho, bobabili kumelwe balandele isimiso esikweyabase-Efesu 4:25: “Nikhulume iqiniso, yilowo nalowo nomakhelwane wakhe.”

Ngokwesibonelo, ake sithi intombi inomuzwa wokuthi ubuhlobo bayo nensizwa sebufinyelele eqophelweni lapho ukuvalelisana ngokuqabula kufaneleke khona. Nokho, insizwa ingase ibe nomuzwa wokuthi uma kucatshangelwa ukwakheka kwemizwa yayo, ukuqabula kungase kube isilingo esikhulu. Isaba ukwaliwa noma mhlawumbe izizwa inesibopho sokujabulisa intombi yayo, ingase iphikisane nokwahlulela kwayo okungcono. Kodwa nakuba kungase kuyibangele amahloni, kudingeka ikhulume iqiniso futhi iveze imizwa yayo yangempela ngalendaba. Njengoba uthando lobuKristu ‘lungazifuneli okwalo,’ ngamunye kufanele ahloniphe imizwa yomunye—nonembeza—kulendaba. (1 Korinte 13:5; 1 Petru 3:16) Kuyavunywa, ukuxoxa ngendaba ebucayi kanjalo kungabanzima futhi kubangele amahloni, ikakhulukazi lapho ukuqomisana kusaqala. Kodwa kungafeza okukhulu ekuvimbeleni ukwakheka kwezinkinga ezingathi sína kamuva. Ngokuthakazelisayo, ikhono lenu lokukhulumisana nokubonisana kulezindaba lingase futhi libe ubufakazi bokuthi lobuhlobo bunethuba elingakanani lokuba umshado oqinile.

‘Ubuzokwenza Ukuba Ubungithanda’

Nokho, ngezinye izikhathi, naphezu kwezisusa ezinhle, isimo siqala ukushuba. Manje yisikhathi sokuba uveze umbono wakho! Ngamanye amazwi, ngomusa kodwa ngokuqina faka amabhuleki. Hamba uma kudingekile. (Qhathanisa nezAga 23:2.) Kuthiwani uma umuntu ophola naye enqaba ukuhlonipha imingcele enengqondo futhi eqhubeka ekucindezela ukuba uhlobonge? Kuyadabukisa ukusho ukuthi enye intsha iye yakhohliswa amazwi awubala njengokuthi, ‘Ubuzokwenza uma ubungithanda’ noma, ‘Bonke bayakwenza’ noma ngisho nokuthi, ‘Sizoshada maduzane nje, manje ikuphi inkinga?’ Njengasezikhathini zeBhayibheli, bakhona abazama ukuyenga ‘ngokuthopha kwezindebe zabo.’ (IzAga 7:21; qhathanisa neHubo 5:9.) Ungesatshiswa ukusongelwa ngamazwi!

Okokuqala, umuntu okuthanda ngempela akasoze akucindezele ukuba wenze okuthile okuphazamisa unembeza wakho wobuKristu noma okukwenza uzizwe ungakhululekile. (1 Korinte 13:5) Okwesibili, akulona nakancane iqiniso ukuthi ‘bonke bayakwenza.’ Futhi ngisho nakuba bonke bebekwenza, lokho bekungeke kusho ukuthi wena kufanele ukwenze. Khumbula isimiso esiku-Eksodusi 23:2: “Awuyikulandela umbimbi ukuyokwenza okubi.”

Uma kuziwa ezithembisweni zomshado, akukho lapho iBhayibheli linikeza khona imibhangqwana ethembisene imvume yokuziphatha njengabantu abashadile. Ngaphandle kwalokho, phawula izibalo ezidabukisayo ezibikwe encwadini ethi The Compleat Courtship, kaNancy Van Pelt: “Amaphesenti angaphezu kuka-33 amantombazane ake ahlanganyela ubulili ayekholelwa ukuthi lapho eba nobuhlobo bobulili okokuqala azoshada nalowomfana—kodwa ambalwa kuwo akwenza lokho. Nokho, amaphesenti ayisikhombisa kuphela ezinsizwa ezihlanganyela ubulili njalo okwaxoxwa nazo ayecabanga ukuthi azoshada naleyontombi. Kwakwenzeka into eyodwa phakathi kwezimbili—intombazane yayizikhohlisa noma insizwa yayikhohlisa. Zikhethele.” Isaga esihlakaniphile sithi: “Ongenalwazi uyakholwa ngamazwi onke, kepha oqondileyo uyaqaphela ukunyathela kwakhe.”—IzAga 14:15.

Lapho Nihlulekile Ukuzithiba

Osemusha waseJalimane okuthiwa uThomas uyavuma: “Nganginentombi enezimiso eziqinile, kodwa sahileleka ekuphululaneni okuvusa inkanuko kakhulu. Kodwa kwakubonakala sengathi ngaso sonke isikhathi sasiyeka kungakabi kubi kakhulu. Lokhu kwanginikeza umuzwa wokuthi ngingakwazi ukuzilawula.” Lokho kuzikhohlisa kwamholela ekuhilelekeni ekuziphatheni okubi ngokobulili. Khumbula isixwayiso seBhayibheli: “Ngakho-ke osuka ethi umi, akaqaphele ukuba angawi.”—1 Korinte 10:12.

Kuthiwani uma umbhangqwana uwela ekuziphatheni okungafanele? Insizwa okuthiwa uJohn ithi: “Lapho siqala ukuqomisana nengoduso yami, ukuziphatha kwethu kwakuhlanzekile futhi sikugcine ezingeni eliphakeme. Kodwa ngesinye isikhathi saqala ukuqabulana nokuphululana—saze sacishe sahlobonga. Kungalesosikhathi lapho nganquma khona ukukhuluma nomunye wabadala ebandleni lakithi.” Yebo, uma umbhangqwana uvumela izinto ukuba zize zifike kuleloqophelo, bobabili badinga usizo! Ungazikhohlisi ngokucabanga ukuthi ungazixazululela lenkinga. “Ngangithandaza, ‘Sisize ukuba singaphinde sikwenze,’” kuvuma omunye osemusha. “Ngezinye izikhathi kwakuphumelela, kodwa akuzange kuphumelele ezikhathini ezimbalwa.” Ngakho iBhayibheli linikeza iseluleko esihle lapho lithi: ‘Biza amadoda amadala ebandla.’ (Jakobe 5:14) Lababonisi abangamaKristu banganikeza noma isiphi iseluleko, noma ukusola okudingekayo ukuze nilungise ubuhlobo benu—futhi, okubaluke nangaphezulu, noNkulunkulu.

Nokho, kungcono kakhulu ukuthatha izinyathelo zokuphepha ezifanele, ukubeka imingcele kusengaphambili, nokuzimisela ukuhlala nihlanzekile emehlweni kaNkulunkulu. Ngalendlela ningagwema inhlekelele.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 17]

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