Chinsinsi Cholankhulana Bwino ndi Mwamuna Kapena Mkazi Wanu

KODI mutatha kulankhulana ndi mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu munayamba mwaganizapo kuti, ‘Ndikanapanda kulankhula chonchija,’ kapena, ‘Sindinalankhule bwino’? Kulankhulana ndi luso limene limafunika kuphunzira. Monga luso lina lililonse, anthu ena amaphunzira luso la kulankhulana mosavuta, pamene ena amavutika kuti aphunzire. Komabe, ngakhale inu mutakhala m’gulu la anthu amene amavutika kuphunzira luso limeneli, n’zotheka kuphunzira kunena maganizo anu bwinobwino, ndiponso kulankhula bwino ndi anthu ena.

Nthawi zina, chikhalidwe n’chimene chimapangitsa kuti anthu azichita zinthu mwanjira inayake ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo. Malinga ndi chikhalidwe, amuna angathe kuuzidwa kuti, ‘Mwamuna weniweni, salankhulalankhula.’ Amuna amene amalankhulalankhula amatha kuonedwa ngati anthu otenga zinthu mwamasewera. Kunena zoona, Baibulo limanena kuti: “Munthu aliyense akhale wotchera khutu, wodekha polankhula.” (Yakobo 1:19) Komabe, uphungu umenewo umapita kwa amuna ndi akazi omwe ndipo umasonyeza kuti kulankhulana kumafuna zambiri. Anthu awiri angakhale kuti amalankhulana kwa nthawi yaitali, koma bwanji ngati akulephera kumvetserana? Mwachidziwikire, kulankhulana kwawoko kungakhale kopanda ntchito. Mbali yaikulu ya kulankhulana kwabwino, monga mmene lembali lasonyezera, ndi luso lomvetsera.

Kulankhulana Popanda Mawu

M’madera ena, akazi sayenera kunena maganizo awo. Amuna amayenera kukhala osachezeka m’banja. Chifukwa cha khalidwe loterolo, mwamuna ndi mkazi sadziwa zimene mnzake amafuna. Akazi ena amakhala ndi luso lozindikira zimene amuna awo akufuna, ndipo amachita zimenezo msangamsanga. Apa, mwamuna ndi mkazi wakeyo amakhala akulankhulana popanda mawu. Komabe nthawi zambiri, kulankhulana kotereku kumakhala kwa mbali imodzi. Pamene mkazi amatha kuphunzira kuzindikira zimene mwamuna wake akuganiza kapena mmene akumvera, sikawirikawiri kuyembekezera mwamuna kuphunzira luso lozindikira mmene mkazi wake akumvera.

N’zoona kuti m’madera ena amuna amaphunzira zimene akazi amafunikira ndipo amayesetsa kuzikwaniritsa. Koma ngakhale kumadera amenewo, maukwati ambiri angakhale abwino ngati anthu angadziwe kulankhulana.

Kulankhulana N’kofunika

Ngati tilankhulana momasuka tingapewe kusamvetsetsana ndi kuganizirana molakwa. Kale m’Israyeli, mafuko a Rubeni, Gadi, ndi theka la fuko la Manase amene anali kukhala kum’mawa kwa mtsinje wa Yordano anamanga “guwa la nsembe, guwa lalikulu maonekedwe ake,” pafupi ndi mtsinje wa Yordano. Mafuko enawo sanamvetsetse chimene anzawo anamangira guwa la nsembelo. Poganiza kuti abale awo tsidya lina la Yordano apanduka, mafuko amene ankakhala kumadzulo kwa mtsinjewo anakonza zoti akamenye nawo nkhondo anthu amene ankawaganizira kuti agalukirawo. Koma asananyamuke kupita kunkhondo kuja, anatuma nthumwi kuti zikalankhule ndi mafuko a kum’mawa aja. Imeneyi inali nzeru yaikulu. Anapeza kuti guwa la nsembe lija silinali lopserezera nsembe zosaloledwa ndi Mulungu ayi. Koma kuti mafuko a kum’mawa amenewo ankaopa kuti patsogolo, mafuko enawo angadzanene kuti “Mulibe gawo ndi Yehova.” Guwa la nsembelo linali kudzakhala umboni woti iwonso anali kulambira Yehova. (Yoswa 22:10-29) Ndipo iwo analitcha guwa la nsembelo kuti Mboni, mwina chifukwa linali umboni woti kwa iwo, Yehova ndiye anali Mulungu woona.​—Yoswa 22:34.

Zimene anafotokozazo zinakhutiritsa mafuko ena aja, ndipo anasintha maganizo awo ofuna kuthira nkhondo mafuko awiri ndi theka aja. Inde, kulankhulana momasuka kunapewetsa nkhondo. Kenako, pamene Aisrayeli anapandukira Yehova Mulungu, mwamuna wawo wophiphiritsa, Yehova anawauza kuti iye mwachifundo ‘adzalankhula nawo mowakonda mtima.’ (Hoseya 2:14) Chimenechi ndi chitsanzo chabwino kwa anthu amene ali pabanja. Inde, yesetsani kulankhula mofika mnzanu pamtima, kotero kuti athe kumvetsa maganizo anu. N’kofunika kutero, makamaka ngati nkhani yake ndi yoti ingayambitse mkangano. Patie Mihalik, mtolankhani wina wa ku United States anati: “Anthu ena amati, munthu sataya chilichonse kuti alankhule. Koma mawu angakhale amtengo wapatali. Ndipo ngakhale kuti ena angavutike kulankhula zakukhosi, kuzilankhula kumapindula kwambiri kuposa ndalama za kubanki.”

Kulitsani Luso la Kulankhulana

‘Chikwatirirane, banja lathu silinayendepo bwino,’ ena angatero. ‘Banjali n’lokanika,’ enanso angatero. Mwamuna ndi mkazi angaone kuti sangathenso kuphunzira kulankhulana bwino pambuyo poti akwatirana. Koma, taganizani za anthu amene amakhala kumadera omwe achibale a munthu ndiwo amene amam’pezera mkazi kapena mwamuna. Anthu ambiri amene chikhalidwe chawo n’chotero m’kupita kwa nthawi amaphunzira kulankhulana bwino pabanja pawo.

Mwamuna ndi mkazi wina m’dziko linalake la kum’mawa, anakwatirana achibale awo atakonza zoti iwo akwatirane. Achibale a mwamuna anatuma munthu kupita ku dziko lakutali kuti akapeze mkazi wa mwamunayo. Komabe, mwamuna ndi mkazi wakeyo, amene anakhalako zaka pafupifupi 4,000 zapitazo, anaonetsa luso lalikulu la kulankhulana. Mwamunayo, yemwe dzina lake linali Isake, anakumana ndi munthu anakam’funira mkaziyo limodzi ndi mkazi woti akwatirane nayeyo m’munda. Munthu anakafuna mkaziyo “anamuuza Isake zonse anazichita.” Baibulo limapitiriza kunena za ukwati umenewu kuti: “Ndipo Isake anam’lowetsa mkaziyo [Rebeka] m’hema wa amake Sara [umenewu unali ngati mwambo wa ukwati], nam’tenga Rebeka, nakhala iye mkazi wake; ndipo anam’konda iye.”​—Genesis 24:62-67.

Onani kuti Isake choyamba anamva lipoti, kenako anatenga Rebeka kukhala mkazi wake. Munthu amene anakafuna mkaziyo anali wodalirika, komanso anali wokhulupirika kwa Yehova Mulungu, amene Isake ankalambira. Isake anali ndi chifukwa chabwino chokhulupirira mwamuna ameneyo. Kenako, Isake “anam’konda” Rebeka, amene iye anam’kwatira.

Kodi Isake ndi Rabeka anaphunzira luso la kulankhulana bwino? Mwana wawo Esau atakwatira ana aakazi awiri a Heti, m’banjamo munabuka mavuto. Ndipo Rebeka anati kwa Isake: “Ndalema moyo wanga chifukwa cha ana aakazi a Heti: akatenga Yakobo [mwana wawo wamng’ono] mkazi wa ana aakazi a Heti, . . .  moyo wanga udzandikhalira ine bwanji?” (Genesis 26:34; 27:46) Mwachionekere, Rebeka analankhula mosapita m’mbali zinthu zimene zinkamudetsa nkhawa.

Isake anauza Yakobo, yemwe anabadwa mapasa ndi Esau, kuti asakwatire ana aakazi a ku Kanani. (Genesis 28:1, 2) Mfundo ya Rebeka inamveka. Apa mwamunayu ndi mkazi wake analankhulana bwino pa nkhani yovuta kwambiri ya pabanja pawo, ndipo anapereka chitsanzo kwa ife masiku ano. Nanga bwanji ngati tasiyana maganizo ndi mnzathu? Kodi tingachite bwanji?

Pakakhala Kusiyana Maganizo

Ngati inu pabanja panu mwasiyana kwambiri maganizo, musasiye kumulankhula mnzanu. Chifukwatu mukasiya, zingapereke chithunzi chakuti: Simukusangalala, ndipo mukufuna kuti mnzanuyo akhalenso wosasangalala. Koma mnzanuyo angakhale woti mwina sakumvetsa zimene inu mukufuna ndiponso mmene mukumvera.

Nonse awiri mungafunikire kukambirana nkhaniyo bwinobwino. Koma ngati nkhaniyo ndi yovuta kwambiri, kudekha kungavute. Makolo a Isake, Abrahamu ndi Sara, anakumanapo ndi vuto lalikulu. Chifukwa chakuti Sara anali wosabereka, iye anatsatira mwambo wa masiku amenewo ndipo anapatsa mwamuna wake Abrahamu mtsikana wake wantchito, dzina lake Hagara, kuti akhale mkazi wake wamng’ono ndi kubereka naye mwana. Hagara anam’berekera Abrahamu mwana wamwamuna, dzina lake Ismayeli. Komabe, patapita nthawi iyenso Sara anakhala ndi pakati, ndipo anaberekera Abrahamu mwana wamwamuna dzina lake Isake. Nthawi imene Isake anasiya kuyamwa, Sara anaona kuti Ismayeli akuseka Isake, mwana wake wamwamuna. Choncho Sara anadziwa kuti mwana wake adzakumana ndi mavuto akapanda kuchitapo kanthu, ndipo anapempha Abrahamu kuti athamangitse Hagara pamodzi ndi mwana wakeyo Ismayeli. Kunena zoona, Sara analankhuladi maganizo ake mosapita m’mbali. Koma zimene anapemphazo sizinamusangalatse Abrahamu.

Kodi nkhaniyo inatha bwanji? Baibulo limati: “Mulungu anati kwa Abrahamu, Usaipidwe nawo, chifukwa cha mnyamatayo, ndi chifukwa cha mdzakazi wako; momwe monse akunenera iwe Sara umvere iwe mawu ake; chifukwa kuti mwa Isake zidzaitanidwa mbewu zako.” Abrahamu anamvera malangizo a Yehova Mulungu ndipo anachita mmene anamuuzira.​—Genesis 16:1-4; 21:1-14.

Mwina mukunena kuti, ‘Mulungu atati azilankhula nafe kuchokera kumwamba, tingamamvane mosavuta.’ Zimenezi zikutifikitsa pa chinsinsi chinanso chothetsera mavuto a m’banja. Mwamuna ndi mkazi wake ayenera kumvetsera kwa Mulungu. Angachite bwanji zimenezi? Powerenga Mawu a Mulungu limodzi ndiponso kuvomereza zimene mawuwo akunena monga malangizo ochokera kwa Mulungu.​—1 Atesalonika 2:13.

Mayi wina, Mkristu amene wakhala pabanja kwa nthawi yaitali anati: “Nthawi zambiri, pamene mayi wachitsikana abwera kwa ine kudzafunsa uphungu woti uthandize ukwati wake, ndimamufunsa ngati iye ndi mwamuna wakeyo akhala akuwerengera limodzi Baibulo. Ambiri amene amakhala ndi mavuto m’banja mwawo amakhala kuti alibe chizolowezi chowerengera limodzi Baibulo.” (Tito 2:3-5) Tonse tingapindule ndi zimene mayiyu ananena. Werengerani limodzi Mawu a Mulungu nthawi zonse. Mukatero, ‘mudzamva’ mawu a Mulungu akukuuzani mmene mungayendere tsiku ndi tsiku. (Yesaya 30:21) Komabe samalani: Musagwiritse ntchito Baibulo ngati ndodo yomenyera mnzanu, nthawi zonse n’kumatchula malemba amene mukuona kuti mnzanuyo akulephera kuwagwiritsa ntchito. M’malo mwake, yesetsani kuona mmene nonse awiri mungagwiritsire ntchito zimene mumawerenga.

Ngati mukufuna kusamalira nkhani inayake yovuta kwambiri, bwanji osayang’ana mu Watch Tower Publications Indexa za vuto lanulo? Kapena mwina mungakhale mukusamalira makolo okalamba, ndipo zimenezo zikuyambitsa mavuto m’banja mwanu. M’malo mongokangana pa zimene mnzanuyo ayenera kuchita kapena pa zimene sayenera kuchita, bwanji osakhala pansi n’kupendera limodzi Index? Choyamba, yang’anani mutu waukulu wakuti “Parents” (Makolo). Mungafune kuona malifalensi amene ali pa mitu yaing’ono monga “caring for aged parents” (kusamalira makolo okalamba). Werengerani limodzi nkhani ngati zimenezo kuchokera m’mabuku a Mboni za Yehova. Mungadabwe kuona mmene inu ndi mnzanu mungapindulire ndi nkhani zochokera m’Baibulo, zimene zathandiza Akristu ambiri ofunadi kuthandizidwa.

Kuona malifalensi amenewo ndi kuwerengera limodzi kudzakuthandizani kuona mavuto anu n’cholinga chofuna kuwathetsa. Mudzapeza malemba ogwidwa mawu ndi osagwidwa mawu amene adzakuthandizani kudziwa maganizo a Mulungu pa nkhaniyo. Pezani malembawo m’Baibulo, ndipo awerengereni limodzi. Inde, mudzamva zimene Mulungu akunena zokhudza mavuto amene mukukumana nawo.

Lankhulanani Momasuka Nthawi Zonse

Kodi munayamba mwayesapo kutsegula chitseko chimene chakhala chisakugwiritsidwa ntchito kwa nthawi yaitali? Chimalira, ndiponso mahinjesi omwe anachita dzimbiri amatseguka pang’onopang’ono. Koma bwanji ngati chitsekocho chimagwiritsidwa ntchito nthawi zonse ndipo mahinjesi ake amathiridwa bwino mafuta? Chingakhale chosavuta kutsegula. N’chimodzimodzinso ndi kulankhulana. Ngati muli n’chizolowezi cholankhulana ndipo mumaphatikizapo chikondi chachikristu polankhulana, ngati kuthira mafuta mahinjesi, mungamalankhule maganizo anu mosavuta ngakhale mutasiyana maganizo kwambiri.

Kulankhulana bwino kumayamba pang’onopang’ono. Ngakhale kuti poyamba kumafuna khama, limbikirani. Kenako mungakhale ndi ubwenzi wabwino ndi mnzanu pabanja, ndipo mungamamvetsetsane mpaka kalekale.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 7]

Kodi mukasiyana maganizo, mumayang’ana kwa Mulungu kuti akutsogolereni?