Ukukhulisa Abantwana Kwihlabathi Likavula-zibhuqe

NGABA wakha wabukela umntwana ecenga umzali wakhe ukuba amthengele into yokudlala nakuba yena engafuni ukumthengela yona? Okanye, umntwana obalekayo nodlalayo nakuba umzali wakhe ethe, “Sukunyuk’ usehla”? Unokubona ukuba kwiimeko ezinjengezi, umzali unceda umntwana wakhe. Sekunjalo, umzali uyeka umntwana ahambe ngayibonayo. Ngenxa yokuba umntwana ekhala engayeki, umzali uyamthengela.

Abazali abaninzi bacinga ukuba ukukhulisa kakuhle abantwana kuthetha ukubanika phantse nantoni na abayifunayo. Ngokomzekelo, eUnited States kuye kwadliwan’ indlebe nabantwana abaneminyaka eli-12 ukuya kweli-17 ubudala abangama-750. Xa babuzwa ukuba basabela njani xa abazali babo bengabavumeli kwinto abayicelayo, phantse abangama-60 ekhulwini bathi baqhubeka becela. Abangama-55 ekhulwini bathi ekugqibeleni abazali bade bavume. Abazali basenokucinga ukuba xa bevula zibhuqe bayabathanda abantwana babo, kodwa ngaba ngokwenene bayabathanda?

Qwalasele lo mzekeliso wamandulo wobulumko: “Ukuba ubani umtefisa kwasebutsheni umkhonzi wakhe, kamva ekuphileni kwakhe uya kuba ngongenambulelo.” (IMizekeliso 29:21) Nakuba umntwana engengomkhonzi, ngaba akuvumi ukuba lo mbhalo unokuwusebenzisa naxa ukhulisa abantwana? Xa abantwana ubatefisa, ubanika yonke into abayifunayo yaye ubafekethisa xa bebadala baba ngabantu ‘abangenambulelo’ nabazifuna ngenkani izinto.

Kwelinye icala, iBhayibhile ikhuthaza abazali isithi: “Yiqeqeshe inkwenkwe ngokwendlela yayo.” (IMizekeliso 22:6) Abazali abalumkileyo bayakwenza oku, babeka imithetho ecacileyo, engatshintshatshintshiyo nesengqiqweni. Abacingi ukuba ukuze babe abantwana babo bayabathanda bamele bavule-zibhuqe; okanye babenzele nantoni abayifunayo ngenxa yokuba bebacenga. Kunoko, benza ngokuvumelana namazwi kaYesu obulumko: “Ke uEwe makabe nguEwe, uHayi wenu, abe nguHayi.” (Mateyu 5:37) Noko ke, yintoni ebandakanyekileyo ekuqeqesheni abantwana? Makhe sihl’ amahlongwane lo mzekeliso.

“Njengeentolo Esandleni”

IBhayibhile ithetha ngolwalamano lomzali nomntwana, ibalaselisa ukuba kufuneka umntwana alathiswe ngumzali. INdumiso 127:4, 5 ithi: “Njengeentolo esandleni sendoda enamandla, banjalo oonyana bobutsha. Inoyolo indoda eyomeleleyo ezalise umphongolo wayo ngabo”. Abantwana bafaniswa neentolo yaye umzali ufaniswa nejoni elinamandla. Kanye njengokuba ijoni lisazi ukuba iintolo zalo azinakulibetha ixhoba lalo ngengozi, abazali abanothando bayaqonda ukuba ukukhulisa umntwana akunakuyekelwa kumabonandenzile. Bafuna abantwana babo “bafikelele” okuthile—baneliseke bubomi ababuphilayo bonwabile baze babe ngabantu abadala abakwaziyo ukuthwala iimbopheleleko. Bafuna abantwana babo benze izigqibo ezifanelekileyo, babe zizilumko, bapheph’ iingxaki baze bafikelele usukelo lwabo. Kodwa abazali kufuneka benz’ okuthile ukuba bafuna ezi zinto zenzeke.

Kufuneka ntoni ukuze utolo luye kubetha ixhoba? Lufanele lulungiswe, lukhuselwe luze lwalathiswe kwixhoba lalo. Ngendlela efanayo, umntwana umele alungiswe, akhuselwe aze alathiswe ukuba uza kuba ngumntu omdala ophumelelayo. Makhe sixubushe ezi nkalo zintathu, ibe nye ngexesha.

Ukulilungisa Kakuhle Utolo

Iintolo ezazisetyenziswa ngabatoli ngamaxesha eBhayibhile zazilungisiwe. Umphini womthi owenziwe ngesandla kwakufuneka ungagobi. Incam yawo ifanele ibe tsolo. Kwelinye icala, kwakufakelwa iintsiba ukuze lungaphephuki utolo.

Abazali bafuna abantwana babo bafane nezi ntolo—bathi tse, bangaphambuki. Ngoko ke, ukuba balumkile abazibethi ngoyaba iimpazamo ezinzulu kodwa ngothando bayabanceda abantwana ukuba bazilungise ezi mpazamo. Akuyondlwan’ iyanetha ukukhulisa umntwana ngamnye ngenxa yokuba “ubudenge bubotshiwe entliziyweni yenkwenkwe.” (IMizekeliso 22:15) IBhayibhile icebisa abazali isithi baqeqeshe abantwana babo. (Efese 6:4) Uqeqesho lwenza umntwana athi tye yaye lunceda nobuntu bakhe.

Ngenxa yoko, iMizekeliso 13:24 ithi: “ Oyiyekileyo intonga yakhe umthiyile unyana wakhe, kodwa omthandayo umfunela ingqeqesho.” Kulo mongo, intonga imela ukulungisa. Ngokuqeqesha umntwana ngothando umzali ufuna ukulungisa iimpazamo ezisenokuthi ukuba zinokuyekwa zibangele umntwana ongonwabi xa sele emdala.

Kwakhona umzali onothando uyamchazela umntwana izizathu zokuba abeke imithetho ekhaya. Ukuqeqesha umntwana asikokubekela umntwana imithetho nokuba uza kubethwa ukuba akayilandeli kodwa okubaluleke ngakumbi kukunceda umntwana ayiqonde lo mithetho. IBhayibhile ithi: “Unyana oqondayo ugcina umthetho.”—IMizekeliso 28:7.

Iintsiba ezifakwa ngumtoli kwiintolo zenza utolo luye kufika ngqo apho luya khona. Iimfundiso zeBhayibhile zoMsunguli wentsapho umntwana unokuzisebenzisa naxa engasahlali ekhaya, ubomi bakhe bonke. (Efese 3:14, 15) Abazali bangaqiniseka njani ukuba ezo mfundiso zihlala zihleli ezingqondweni zabantwana?

Phawula ukuba uThixo uthini kubazali abangamaSirayeli bomhla kaMoses: “La mazwi ndikuyalela wona namhlanje amele abe sentliziyweni yakho; uze uwabethelele kunyana wakho.” (Duteronomi 6:6, 7) Ngokusuka kulo mbhalo, abazali kufuneka benze izinto ezimbini. Okokuqala, kufuneka bafunde baze benze ngokuvisisana neLizwi likaThixo, nto leyo eya kukhokelela ekubeni bawuthande umthetho kaThixo. (INdumiso 119:97) Emva koko baza kukwazi ukwenza inxalenye yesibini yalo mbhalo—‘ukubethelela’ umthetho kaThixo kubantwana babo. Uwubethelela umthetho kaThixo ezintliziyweni zabantwana ngokubafundisa kakuhle nangokuphindaphindiweyo.

Licacile elokuba, imigaqo eseBhayibhileni nanamhl’ oku inokunceda ekulungiseni iimpazamo ezinzulu. Ezi ziindlela ezinokunceda ukulungisa “iintolo” ukuba zingaphephuki xa zibhabha.

Ukukhusela Utolo

Makhe sibuyele kumzekeliso okwiNdumiso 127:4, 5. Khumbula ukuba bekuthiwe umtoli ‘uzalisa umphongolo wakhe ngazo.’ Emva kokuba ezilungisile umele azikhusele. Umtoli uzifaka kumphongolo apho kungasoze kube lula ukuba zophuke. Okubangel’ umdla kukuba iBhayibhile iprofeta ithetha ngoMesiya njengotolo olukhazimlisiweyo ‘oluzinyeliswe . . . kumphongolo.’ (Isaya 49:2) UYehova uThixo oyena Bawo unothando wamkhusela uNyana wakhe oyintanda, uYesu, kuzo zonke izinto ezazinokuba yingozi kuye de kwafika ixesha elimisiweyo lokuba uMesiya afe kanye njengokuba kwakuprofetiwe. Nasemva koko uThixo wamkhusela uNyana wakhe ukuba angafi ngonaphakade ngokumvusela ezulwini ukuze aphile ngonaphakade.

Ngendlela efanayo, abazali abalumkileyo bayabakhusela abantwana babo kweli hlabathi linemilinganiselo ephantsi. Abazali basenokukwenza oku ngokungabavumeli abantwana babo ukuba benze izinto kunye nabantu behlabathi. Ngokomzekelo, abazali abalumkileyo bacinga nzulu ngalo mthetho: “Unxulumano olubi lonakalisa imikhwa elungileyo.” (1 Korinte 15:33) Ngokukhusela abantwana ukuba banganxulumani nabantu abangayithobeliyo imilinganiselo yeBhayibhile oko kuya kwenza abantwana bangenzi izinto ezisenokubeka ubomi babo esichengeni.

Abantwana abasoloko beyixabisa imigudu yabazali yokubakhusela. Maxa wambi basenokucaphuka kuba ukukhusela abantwana kusenokuquka ukusoloko ubalela kwizinto ezininzi. Umbhali ohlonitshwayo obhala iincwadi ezicebisa ngendlela yokukhulisa abantwana uthi: “Nangona besenokungabonakali benjalo yaye mhlawumbi bengasoze bakubulele ngelo xesha, abantwana bayalufuna ukhokelo lwabazali. Banokukwenza oku ngokuyithabatha nzulu imbopheleleko yabo yokubabekela imithetho abantwana babo.”

Ewe, ukukhusela abantwana bakho nakwintoni na esenokubenza bangabi seluxolweni, babe nomvandedwa okanye bangabi nolwalamano oluhle noThixo kubalulekile kuba kubonisa ukuba uyabathanda.

Ukwalathisa Iintolo

Phawula ukuba iNdumiso 127:4, 5 ifanisa umzali ‘nendoda enamandla.’ Ngaba oko kuthetha ukuba kuphela ngutat’ ekhaya ongumzali? Akunjalo. Lo mzekeliso ubhekisela kutata nomama—kuquka nabazali abangenamaqabane. (IMizekeliso 1:8) Ibinzana elithi ‘indoda enamandla’ lithetha ukuba kufuneka umlinganiselo othile wamandla xa udubul’ utolo. Ngamaxesha okubhalwa kweBhayibhile izaphetha zazigqunywa ngobhedu yaye ijoni lalifanele ‘lisigobe isaphetha.’ (Yeremiya 50:14, 29) Licacile elokuba, kwakufuneka amandla ukuze utole kakuhle!

Ngokufanayo, ukukhulisa abantwana akuyondlwan’ iyanetha. Abazikhuleli, njengokuba notolo lungazidubuli. Okulusizi kukuba abazali abaninzi namhlanje babonakala bengenzi konke okusemandleni abo ukuze bakhulise abantwana babo kakuhle. Bakhetha undlela lula. Umabonwakude, isikolo noontangandini bafundisa abantwana babo ngokulungileyo nokubi, ngendlela abamele baziphathe ngayo nangesini. Abantwana babo babanika nantoni na abayifunayo. Ngenxa yokuba kunzima ukuba bathi hayi bangovula zibhuqe—bengxengxeza ngesigqibo sabo bathi abafuni kubakhathaza abantwana. Eneneni, eyona nto iya kubakhathaza ubomi babo bonke kukubayeka bahambe ngabayibonayo.

Ukukhulisa abantwana akuyondlwan’ iyanetha. Ukukwenza oko ngentliziyo iphela usalathiswa liLizwi likaThixo kufuna umgudu kodwa ekugqibeleni kunomvuzo. Iphephancwadi iParents lithi: “Uhlolisiso . . . lubonisa ukuba abantwana abakhuliswe ngabazali abanothando nabangqongqo—ababaxhasayo abantwana babo kodwa sekunjalo bengengabo oovula-zibhuqe—baphum’ emagqabini esikolweni, baba ngabantu abanobuhlobo, bazithembile yaye bangabantwana abonwabileyo kunabantwana babazali abayekelelayo okanye abangqwabalala gqitha.”

Bafumana umvuzo obhetele. Ekuqaleni sikhe sahlolisisa inxalenye yokuqala yeMizekeliso 22:6: ethi: “Yiqeqeshe inkwenkwe ngokwendlela yayo.” Le ndinyana xa iqhubeka inamazwi abangel’ umdla athi: “Naxa indala ayisayi kuphambuka kuyo.” Ngaba lo mzekeliso uphefumlelweyo uyasiqinisekisa ngempumelelo? Akunjalo. Umntwana wakho unenkululeko yokuzikhethela yaye xa sele ekhulile uza kuzikhethela ukuba ufuna ukuthini ngobomi bakhe. Kodwa le ndinyana ibaqinisekisa ngento enye abazali. Ibaqinisekisa ngantoni?

Ukuba uqeqesha abantwana bakho usebenzisa isiluleko seBhayibhile, oko kuba nemiphumo emihle—xa bebadala baya kuba ngabantwana abonwabileyo, abanelisekileyo nabakwaziyo ukuthwala iimbopheleleko. (IMizekeliso 23:24) Yenza konke okusemandleni akho ulungisa ezo “ntolo” zixabisekileyo, uzikhusele uze uzalathise. Akusoze uzisole.

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 13]

Ngaba abazali babonisa uthando ebantwaneni babo ngokubanika nantoni na abayifunayo?

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 15]

Umzali onothando uyabachazela abantwana bakhe izizathu zokuba abeke imithetho yasekhaya

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 15]

Abazali ababathandayo abantwana babo bayabakhusela kwihlabathi elinemilinganiselo ephantsi

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 16]

Ukukhulisa abantwana okuyondlwan’ iyanetha, kodwa ekugqibeleni kuba nemiphumo emihle